How to Tell If Your Partner Treats You Right

I’ve been in a few bad relationships during my 21 years of existence.

I’ve also been in a good, healthy one, and the difference is enormous. The respect we have for each other and the kindness we treat each other with have built a solid foundation upon which we can flourish not only as a couple, but also as individuals.

In the past, I’ve had an ex-boyfriend who kept telling me how fat I was, how lame my friends were, how other girls were sexier than me – it took me four break-ups to finally never get back together with him again.

I’ve had an ex-boyfriend who – as kind as he was – didn’t much value our time spent together and often it simply felt like he didn’t appreciate me, my love, my devotion. I’ve also dated a guy who pressured me into being his girlfriend and kept demanding my affection because of deep insecurities.

This time, it’s different. My boyfriend is very good to me, and when there is an issue within the relationship, I can see how he takes the matter seriously and tries to make things better. He treats me right. These are the main signs that your partner might be treating you right, too:

They never dismiss your feelings

Even when I’m lying underneath a blanket sobbing because of something ridiculous, he always acknowledges my feelings and tries to work through them with me. During this lockdown, I have cried many times because of many ridiculous things because well, not talking to anyone in real life other than your boyfriend and your other flatmate for more than 100 days could probably make you go a little bonkers.

I’ve seen some people dismiss their partner’s feelings – either they don’t care and leave, or they get angry and argue, or they laugh at them. That’s not a good way to support a partner (or anyone, really). Even if our feelings are irrational and petty, they are still real. We are still hurting.

If your partner is always there for you and respects the way you feel, it’s a sign they are treating you right because it shows that they see you in all of your entirety, they accept you and they are willing to offer help and support.

They respect your decisions

If you say you need alone time and they get upset, something is not right.

If you say you can’t go on a date with them on Friday because you already have plans and they start complaining, something is not right. If you decide to go volunteering in Africa and they are strongly against it because they won’t see you for a month, then in my opinion something is not right.

There are always limits and boundaries in relationships. If you decide to cross them, you suffer consequences. That makes sense. It’s fair. But if the boundaries your partner sets clash with your ability to make decisions that feel intrinsic and crucial to your self-development and happiness, the relationship is likely not very healthy.

When your partner respects your decisions, they also show respect for your integrity, your personal growth, your intelligence and capability. Support is one of the key elements of every relationship.

They give you love without asking for it in return

We all want to be loved. It’s natural. But if it seems that your partner only gives you love because they want to receive it back from you, it might not be genuine.

We give others love because we want to give them love. If they don’t give us love in return, they aren’t worth our love. That, however, does not mean that we should ask for it, demand it, or expect it on every corner.

I don’t owe my boyfriend anything. He does not owe me anything. The love we give each other is for free.

Usually, people ask for love from others because they don’t love themselves enough to feel complete. The thing is, you can never satisfy a partner like that – they will only keep demanding.

What’s more, giving love should never be forced. Only love given freely feels genuine.

The bottom line

I believe that the building blocks of a healthy relationship are respect, compassion, kindness and a genuine desire to make each other happy.

The three kinds of behaviour mentioned above might be good signs that your partner is mature and treats you right. Being in a healthy relationship never feels restrictive and it helps both partners grow as people.

This article was originally published here.