How to Talk to a Trans Person

Hey there! It’s been a while, hasn’t it? You look so different now! What happened to you? You used to look so good! Well, you still look good, but before…

Oh, you’re trans? That’s so cool! I’ve never met a transgender before!

Sorry, I just got excited.

Anyways, I have some questions for you. A lot of them will be really uncomfortable for you, but I expect you to answer everyone of these. It’ll also be more uncomfortable because I know we didn’t even talk that much in the past. But what’s life without a little bit of awkwardness, am I right?

And you better not ask me these questions, too. I’d be too uncomfortable and angry.

So my first question: remind me of your name again. I can’t seem to remember. No, no. Not that one; you know that. I mean the one you went by when we were kids. Don’t be a party pooper and just tell me.

While you work on trying to tell me your deadname, did you get the surgery? I don’t know what it’s called. There’s just one, right? Oh, there’s more than one? If you haven’t gotten them yet, I hope you don’t. You’ll just be ruining your body. And you just looked so much better before all of this. I miss it.

On that topic, do you think it’ll feel fake? Will you let me feel it? No, you’re right. That’s a little too weird and invasive. Even for me.

But since I’ve already crossed that line, let me ask even more personal questions.

How do you have sex? Now, now, don’t turn this on me and ask me how I have sex. Everyone should know how people like me have sex. And I know how gays and lesbians have sex. But people like you? I couldn’t find anything online to give me a solid answer. Stop turning this on me; we’re talking about you. Talking about my sex life isn’t any of your business.

Will you have sex with me? That way I can find out exactly how you have sex. And that’s kind of hot, don’t you think? You transgenders are kind of hot in a strange way.

Can you also tell me if you’re kinky? This is the only thing I’ll answer since you won’t stop turning this on me. No, I’m not kinky. (Like it’s any of your business.)

And are you changing yourself for some weird kink? I just don’t see any other reason why you would want to change. Oh, it’s just because you’d be happier? Huh… I never thought about that. I guess it makes sense. But still…

One last question. I can’t believe I didn’t think of asking you this before. What’s in your pants? I mean, I know I knew you before, but that doesn’t mean I know what’s in your pants. And now you’re turning it on me again! I told you these questions make me uncomfortable and angry! I thought we were friends.

Well, I guess that’s all I have for now. Before I leave, I just want to let you know that I think you’re so, so brave for being yourself. Even if I don’t really understand it. Like at all.

Anyways, this was fun, wasn’t it? We should do this again sometime. And I’ll come back with more questions that may be uncomfortable for you. Promise me you won’t turn the questions on me. I hate answering them, so it would be unfair for you to ask them. If you do, I won’t answer them like I did today.

Until next time, friend!