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How To Save My Marriage By Myself (How To Save A Marriage When Only One Is Trying)

For people who ask the question how to save my marriage by myself, the simple fact that these words came to your mind is strong proof that you don't want to easily give up on your marriage and that your marriage is important to you. How to save a marriage when only one is trying is the question that might go through your mind when things start to fall apart.

By Charles BillPublished 2 years ago 5 min read
How To Save My Marriage By Myself (How To Save A Marriage When Only One Is Trying)
Photo by HiveBoxx on Unsplash

Have you ever wondered whether or not it was possible to save your marriage alone? Although it might seem impossible at times in certain situations you can save your marriage even when your partner isn't pulling his or her weight, and even if they don't seem interested in getting any help at all. Still, it's hard to get started in a situation like this when everything seems overwhelming. And sometimes in our efforts to save our marriage we might start out on the wrong foot.

Let me tell you some of the things I learned to avoid the hard way.

Being pitiful and negative. The more desperate you start to act in front of your husband or wife, the less likely that your spouse will be attracted to you and want to revive your marriage.

Try to keep from blaming the other person and instead keep the focus on the behavior they did that made you upset. You probably know from personal experience that the more you get blamed for something the bigger the barrier you put up between you and the person you're with.

Don't believe that you can really do all of it by yourself. While there are many circumstances when one person can save a marriage alone, eventually your spouse is going to have to acknowledge there is an issue and join you in the work of saving the marriage.

But until they come around you're going to need to find someone that you can lean on during this time. It could be a close personal friend or a family member whose judgment you trust. Do yourself a favor though and be certain that whoever you do rely on will be a positive influence. That way they can help to remind you why you're doing all of this in the first place when you become discouraged or want to give up.

Now here's something I realized that helped me to keep going: You truly have nothing to lose. If you really want to save your relationship and your spouse doesn't want to get involved, the only choice you have is to get things rolling on your own or to surrender. Is there a downside to trying to save your marriage alone? The only real risk would be doing nothing at all.

Make the decision to revive your marriage. Actively listen to your partner. Try and figure out what he or she thinks about the problems you've been having. Do you need to swallow your pride a little and compromise? If there is any love there at all between you two, then sooner or later your partner will come around.

Save Your Marriage Alone - Maybe Some Sneaky Tactics Will Help You Pull It Off

Being in a bad marriage is tough enough, but having to save your marriage alone without any help from your spouse is a really difficult spot to be in. If you want to fix your marriage the first thing I need to know is are you really sure about this?

Because if you are not dead serious about the task then you may want to reconsider. If you are sure you want to heal your relationship with your spouse then I want to do all I can to help.

Focusing on your goal of saving your marriage alone is good on the one hand, but not to the point that you have tunnel vision and do not see the bigger picture. Depending on the problems you are facing you may be fighting the wrong battle.

If your marriage problems stem from a single issue with your spouse like drinking, drugs or infidelity and they will not admit the problem, your task is nearly insurmountable.

Sneaky tactics to the rescue?

One of the things I have learned is that people's behavior is very much determined by what drives them. If something brings them pleasure, they do it. If it brings pain, they avoid it.

The key can be to determine what it is that is motivating your spouse.

Once you can figure out what things will cause a certain reaction from your spouse you can actually begin to influence their behavior in a direction that you want it to go.

I often refer to this as the Colonel Klink syndrome from the old TV show "Hogan's Heroes". (If you are too young to remember this show, that's OK.) The point is that the show's namesake would manipulate his captor by "pushing the right buttons", usually involving ego.

But he also knew that the only way Colonel Klink would do something is if he thought it was his OWN idea, not Hogans. Starting to get the picture?

Often a person will berate his or her spouse with nagging, pleading, screaming and shouting only to find out that it usually does little good. Oh, maybe they do end up taking out the trash or whatever but they are muttering against you the entire time.

In order to save your marriage alone you need to make the desired behavior their idea, what THEY want.

One of the programs we work with deals with something called "Mind Magic". It includes a number of ways of causing other people to do what you want them to do.

Sounds illegal, doesn't it?

The thing is though, all you have to do is subtly show the person that the outcome you desire is what they want; and in a marriage, it often is anyway. The trick is to get them to come to that conclusion on their own.

The benefit to you is that you are no longer trying to save your marriage alone; now you have your spouse's help.

One of the sneaky tactics we use is called a Monkey Fist, based on the knot tied on the end of a rope. While I cannot get into a full explanation here, the point is to use an easy task to pull along a more difficult task.

Your spouse only sees the easy task, though, and does not realize how they are setting themselves up naturally for the more difficult goal.

Cool, huh?

Another is the Self Image Judo Magic. Judo is a martial art that uses your opponent's strength or force against him. It is deadly effective. (We are not trying to physically hurt anyone here!)

The reason we call it Judo is because it uses the opponent's, your spouse, strength to your advantage. It is all done without raising your voice, starting an argument or touching your "opponent" in any way.

And it can be very effective at getting the "Colonel Klink" in your life to accept your idea as his or her own.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage. To learn more visit: Steps to Save Your Marriage


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    CBWritten by Charles Bill

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