How to Respond to Creepy DMs Like a Boss

Over the years, I have cultivated six methods for clapping back at slimy DM crawlers. You can do it, too! I'll share the techniques along with some amusing samples below.

Let's talk about creepy DMs. Most of us get at least a few of these a week. I get creepy DMs every single day. There are several categories of creepy DMs. I used to know an exact number, but just when I thought I'd seen them all, some guy asked if he could purchase my poo in a jar. After that, I figured there would always be room for a surprise inside my inbox.

So now I've added "Poop" to the categories.

Another category is "Inappropriate Sexual Advances." This includes subcategories like;

• Unsolicited Dick Pic
• Show Me Your... [Insert: Pussy/Tits/Ass]
• You Didn't Respond in a Way I Like and Now You are an Ugly Bitch

I realize that the last category has a rather long title but ask any femme friend online if she's dealt with category 3. Let me help you save some time.

She has.

I went on for about a year, wading through and ignoring these unpleasant messages. Then one glorious day I received a letter I couldn't ignore and responding to it changed everything.

"I eat fat girl's poop. Can you advise me?"

Could I? Why, yes. Yes, I could, and I would.

My response: Invest in real estate and diversify your portfolio.

The would-be fat girl poop eater was confused. Every question he asked was then answered promptly with various methods for investing and diversifying.

He and I chatted back and forth for a while until he finally gave up and blocked me!

This was a lot more satisfying and amusing than ignoring the DMs, and I was on a mission thereafter. I planned to respond to all amusingly creepy DMs and spread the message so other ladies could do the same.

Method 1: If they ask for a pussy... Give them a pussy.

Google funny cat pics and enjoy the ride! This also works for cock and ass.

Some of the DM creepers can be persistent. No worries! That simply increases the fun when they finally give up.

Method 2: Respond as if They are Asking You an Innocuous Question

Bonus! The raunchier the DM, the better this method works!

Method 3: Define it for Them

Look up the definition, copy, and paste.

If all else fails, make up a definition!

Method 4: Always Be As Literal As Possible

I call this one Amelia Bedelia-ing It. (Look it up.)

Method 5: Body Parts are Detachable Objects

Method 6: Wing It!

Just say whatever you want to say. There is no wrong answer. Don't be afraid to get savage.

Hopefully, these images gave you some ideas for responses next time a creeper slides into your DMs.

Feel free to copy any of mine and edit them as needed!

Social media is fantastic as a tool to connect with family and friends, network, and make new friends. However, it's opened a lot of us up to a daily barrage of abuse.

Those of us who didn't grow up with social media remember a time when we lived our daily lives without seeing random body parts or hearing the demeaning thoughts random people around us.

The abuse is so commonplace now that most of us don't even think about it anymore.

Finding a way to take control of a situation that has exposed you in this way is empowering.

Creepers everywhere - Watch out!

We're coming for you!

Bonus Unsolicited Pussy Pic