How to Push Through the Breakup

I know. Breakups suck. Well, guess what? As hard as it is to admit it, they are necessary for you to become stronger as a person, and important for you to be able to really get to know yourself. "That's easy for you to say!" Yes, it is easy because I went through one as well, and I know the positive outcome of it. First, let me tell you my story. (If you want to skip the rather long story, just scroll down. I will put the lesson part of this article in CAPS so you don't have to scan through to hear me out.)

My breakup really sucked, especially since it was not only a breakup; it was a divorce. I was in a long distance relationship that really clicked early on. We decided to get engaged and take that big step and officialize what we had going on. The first week was amazing; I went to visit her and we spent every day together until I had to go back home for college and work. We would talk regularly and engage in fun conversation, and everything was normal. "I miss you," "I love you," "You're my everything, I can't wait to fall asleep so I can dream of you" type conversations. Then things started going south. I would call and spend one hour talking about my day and trying to find topics to talks about. I would bring up those brief inside jokes we created when I was there, and she would make a comment saying that joke was childish. I would ask how her day was and she would reply with the same thing every time, "It was fine". I would ask her what did she do, and she would respond, "Same as yesterday. I sat at home and talked to my friends on my phone." She would not engage in conversation at all and I would spend my days asking myself what I did wrong, and how to make her enjoy talking to me. She would be dry with me then go on Facebook and publicly joke with her friends (Sometimes while she was being dry with me, and it really sucked because I would get a notification of her commenting on a post I tagged her in). Then I decided to get that spark back and go visit her for two weeks. I took with me a suitcase of presents, made reservations at every one of her favorite restaurants, went out every day to fun spots, and would try to be as romantic as possible without being overbearing. It did not work.

Now, here is where I went insane. I did not mention that she did gain a few pounds. It was noticeable but I did not care since I wanted her for her character, not looks. I did not mention when she would be on her phone the whole time we were sitting with each other, even though I wanted to take her phone and throw it off a cliff. And I did not mention that she forgot to do anything on my birthday which was the fourth day that I was there. She, however, did mention that I looked like I gained weight since I went up from a medium to a large (which was due to my chest getting bigger after four months of constantly going to the gym). She mentioned when I would be on my phone when I was sitting with her (which was to check my emails for work purposes only). And she did mention that I did not wish her a happy birthday (This was when I went to her house on her birthday during the same visit to take her out as a surprise for her. I did tell her Happy Birthday when I called her that morning but she was not paying attention because she was texting a friend while talking to me). She used all this as an excuse to end the engagement on the last day of my visit, which held me back an extra six days while trying to reverse her decision and in the end doing all the legal paperwork of a divorce.

Now, I did not literally go insane, but I was pretty darn close. What did I learn from all of this?

LESSONS LEARNED:

The first lesson is to never let anyone bring down your self-worth. Nobody is deserving enough of your patience to the point to where you feel like crap. I'm sorry but depression and self-hating thoughts are no fun, and you don't deserve to be put through all of that. Nobody should have the power to make you feel low, and you should not give anybody that right. Throughout my whole engagement I felt worse than crap, and after it was over I realized how stupid I was for allowing somebody to do that to me. You are worth more than that, and you owe it to yourself to find a partner who will lift your spirits, not destroy them.

The second lesson is to find yourself your future Mr./Ms. Right. You need to find someone you connect with both emotionally and physically. If you enjoy long walks on the beach or hikes up Mt. Everest, or just sitting at home and being a lazy couch potato, find someone who shares your same interests. It does not help you or anyone if you are with someone who wants to sit at home and watch Netflix all day while you want to go walk on the beach on a bright and sunny day. You also need to find someone that always raises you in their speech, not puts you down. You deserve only the best, so don't allow yourself to get anything less.

The third and final lesson is to put yourself up high. That may sound weird but this is especially helpful after a tough breakup. If you went through a situation like mine, or similar in the slightest, then congratulations. I know it was tough, especially since you gave your all to make it work and you spent hours thinking about what to say, but you just got the gift of a lifetime. You need to raise yourself better than anyone else can. You need to realize that they don't deserve you and that you are one of a kind. You're strong, you're brave, you're kind, and you deserve someone like yourself. You deserve someone who will rub your back after a long day, someone who will not judge you when you cry over the death of your favorite character in your favorite TV show, and someone who is overall fun and gentle and kind.

Good luck out there. I truly hope the best for you!