How to Make It Last

There is that saying, you'll know when you find the one. If you doubt this saying it's because you have not found the one for sure. Everyone else who knows this is true is because you feel it. You have found the one. This person is not only the love of your life, but also your best friend.

That certainly doesn't mean that there won't be fights, breakups, hurt, and just straight out bumps on the road. Just read an article from another fellow writer here, Dom White, and I just about cried because that totally describes our situation.

We have been together for three years and we have had our ups and downs. I know he is the one with all my being. I love him with all my heart. I know this now more than ever because after our last break up, we didn't reconcile within a few days. He kept saying it was for real this time but still wanted to be with me and that hurt. Why would you leave me and then string me along? I distanced myself so much. I made an effort not to care if I didn't hear from him in days. I made the effort to not text him for days too. I made the effort to not kiss him, not hug him, not to linger more than I should if and when I saw him. That hurt so much but I made all the effort not to care. To get over it, turn my back, and move on. I believe after a while of my efforts, he tried to do the same. But our efforts meant nothing. It's like trying to swim against the current.

During this time we were apart it was two weeks before our anniversary. I was helping out a patient who mentioned it would be her anniversary next Tuesday. I mentioned mine would be the following Tuesday after hers. She said it would be 44 years for them. I said, oh ours is only three. Nothing compared to hers, I thought. She told me something I'd never forget.

"I've been married since I was 16 years old. He is my best friend and my soulmate. But of course there is always going to be problems. When love is failing, rely on your friendship. When your friendship is failing, rely on your love. Losing each other would be the biggest wound no one can heal. When you hit five years, it is usually the roughest year for everyone. Don't tell your family about your fights or your problems. They won't look at him the same way. They won't forgive him after you have made up. I tell my daughter-in-law to tell me about my son and I advise her for the best since I raised him."

I had never thought about that before. Rely on your friendship when your love is failing and rely on your love when friendship is failing. While I'm an honest and open person, I did stop being an open book about us. Because I know him in ways that my family doesn't. I didn't need their opinions to cloud my judgement.

In this time period, we were still friends. He is the only one I can share things I find interesting with. Someone who will listen to me talk about books, who will sit and read with me. Someone who will take me anywhere I want to go. He never turned down an opportunity to see me and if he couldn't see me, he'd promise to make it up another time and he did. I stayed strong in my efforts until I had a dream. I felt immense loss that broke my ice. After that it was like we ran toward each other so hard.

But during this time apart I learned a lot of things. I learned to be even less clingy. I learned to be happy on my own and enjoy my life. I looked for things to do on my own, which lead me here as well. I saw my relationship in a different light, and different angles. I really think it has made me a better person. I even focused on my natural beauty and being healthy. I focused more on work. I just worked on myself instead of thinking too much about us. Now that being said, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about my handsome man.

As for us we are still working on it, using the love/friend advice from this "young lady." I believe we still have a long way to go for sure. But I know he is the one I want to put in the effort for. The one that was made for me and I for him.