How to Like People, Without Actually Liking Them

We all have at least one person in our lives that we just don't like. And that's not a bad thing at all! There are billions of people on this planet and to expect ourselves to like each and every person we meet is very unrealistic. It's a nice thought, sure. But practical? Absolutely not. Take it from someone who has tried to be friends with everyone. Someone who has tried to forgive everyone just so they would like them. Someone that desperately wanted to be liked by at least one person, just to feel wanted. Someone like me.

I can sit here and talk about how wanting to be liked by others is a typical, human, biological trait. I could talk about how it's in our genes to want to be liked to help find a mate, reproduce, and essentially guarantee the continuation of our species. Or I could write about how it's an emotional need for every human because all we need is love. Both are very good arguments. But why not both? When did we start separating the brain and heart, as if they could survive without the other? We're told to use our brains and be logical, but then also told to follow our hearts as if using our brains was a bad choice from the beginning. Just watch any 2000's rom-com and you'll understand why we have young women thinking that the dumber they are, the more likely a guy will love them. If they play dumb then maybe the guy they are head-over-hills for will be their tutor! Tell me I'm wrong. But have you seen Mean Girls? The ending is kind of wholesome but let's be honest, those aren't the parts we remember. The whole movie is based around bringing one girl down just to steal her boyfriend and take her place as 'most liked person'. They go to extreme lengths, including making Regina George gain weight so she feels bad about her body. How the hell did people think this was OK?! So what did the majority of people take from this movie? That being dumb gets the guy and degrading people make others like you. Also that the Jingle Bell Rock is a fantastic seductive tool...

Most people spend their whole lives trying to get people to like them. It could be for romance, a friend, or just to be heard by someone. Most of the time we don't even realise how hard we try to impress other people! We try so hard that we often neglect our feelings, beliefs, and needs just for the chance to be liked. How many times have you heard the phrase 'Don't ever change yourself for someone else'? Probably more times than you can count. Now, how many times have you followed that advice? I hope the majority of the time you have! But more likely than not, you haven't really followed it. Like most advice given it's a lot harder to follow than it seems. I spent over 20 years of my life trying to be someone I'm not. I tried to change every single unique thing about me just for the chance of being liked; The chance of being accepted. To put that in perspective, I'm only 21 years old! I've spent 99% of my life living as a stranger. It was only around December 2019 that I finally stopped trying to meet everyone's expectations of me, and started to discover who the hell I really was. It was surreal, to say the least. It was like a small ray of sunshine had finally broken through a dark, stormy, seemingly endless world of sadness, for the very first time. My world was still a place I didn't want to be in. But that small ray of sunshine gave me hope that maybe happiness is POSSIBLE.

But what do I need to do to be happy in my skin? For a start, I needed to start living my life the way I wanted to. No more bending over backwards to fit into peoples' ideals of what I should be. It was time to start speaking my mind and being more direct with people about my needs and wants. There are ways of doing this that don't hurt people or cause more problems with those you don't like. It's about tolerating the negative so you can project the positive. Be the example of how you want others to treat you. If you embody a rude, disrespectful and selfish demeanor, then that is what you will get in return. How can you expect any of your peers to treat you any different if you won't treat them up to your standards in return? But that's easier said than done. Some people can feel intolerable to you and impossible to be nice to. There will be people that you feel don't deserve your kindness and positivity, and that's OK! But wouldn't it be nice if you DID get along with that person? Sure, being nice to them probably won't change their "bad" attitude that you clash with so much; But it could inspire a change from within them. Even if it's a small one! That tiny act of kindness could inspire the start of a transformation for that person. That self-improvement could change their life for the better! Maybe then you'll start to see positivity coming from them instead of negativity. Now wouldn't that be nice! It's a long-shot, but why not take the chance and hope for the best? What have you got to lose? Not a lot if you already have a bad relationship with this person. So then poses the question: What have you got to gain from this? The simple answer: Everything! Even if that person doesn't change at all, projecting positivity and kindness will ALWAYS feel better than projecting negativity and cruelness.

Finding our individual happiness shouldn't involve harming the happiness of others. We should be encouraging others in their journey to their happiness, and helping each other where we can. It shouldn't matter if we're liked or disliked by others. Everyone deserves to be happy in life.

So it sounds super cheesy, I know. But the secret to liking people without actually liking them is...

Kindness :)