How To Let Go Of Resentment In Marriage (How To Overcome Resentment In A Marriage)

Resentment in a marriage builds up slowly. It starts with small things that your partner either does or doesn't do and which make you feel like they are taking advantage of you. They may say or do something that makes you feel unappreciated or that makes you feel that they think you are there to serve them. And you either confronted them and they denied it or you thought that it was a minor offense and so you didn't bring it up. And then they did it again or did something similar...and they did it again and again and again. And now you resent them and you have a lingering suspicious bitterness that they don't treat you as well as they should. It's an underlying sense that they do not appreciate you and what you bring to the relationship. It's a corrosive emotion that erodes the mutual admiration that is one of the key foundations of a good marriage and it has the effect of clouding your perspective of your partner and what they do for you. It's like looking at them through a lens that distorts everything they do and say. So how do you overcome resentment in marriage?

1. Face reality. To overcome resentment in a marriage you need to evaluate whether the offenses from your partner are valid or not. Are you going through something else so that you are more sensitive to offenses or did your partner really offend you? Identify what it is exactly that is bothering you. Sometimes our own inadequacies make us see slights or offenses that don't even exist.

2. Make peace with what has happened. What has happened this far is now in your past and you need to find a way to let it go in order to overcome resentment in marriage! How can you do this for yourself? You may need to confront your spouse gracefully when they are relaxed and would be most responsive to what you have to say. Or you may need to just decide that you will let go of the past offenses. What you do depends on you as you are the one that knows the course of action that will work for you. Whatever you decide to do the end result should be that you let go off what has happened in the past and by let go I mean that you deal with it so that it stops impacting your life today. You will know that you have made peace when you no longer bring it up in your mind or speech. It may not be forgotten but it is not fresh and alive in your mind and speech. And with time your memory of these offenses will fade until you actually do not remember them.

3. Choose not to be offended. You must now decide that you will not be offended by every single thing that your partner does otherwise you will be offended all the time. Decide on the things that are crucial and those are none-issues. Bad behavior is a no-no but maybe some of their deeds or actions do not warrant you to be offended. You need to decide and be realistic knowing that your partner will invariably offend you and the only thing you can control is your reaction. If for example your partner has a relaxed attitude toward life and you are a little more serious their attitude may offend you in certain situations but that is a none-issue since that is who they are and you cannot change them. So look at issues in that light so that you give your partner room to be them-self and to grow in their own life interests. Sometimes we feel that we need to control all things in order for us not to be offended but remember that your marriage comprises of two people and your partner's character and how they deal with life must also have room in the marriage.

4. Deal with issues immediately. To continue overcoming resentment in marriage you must now deal with real offenses immediately they occur or as soon as you can. You do not want them to build up as any more so deal with issues before you go to bed at night so that you stop the pile up. And be honest with yourself so that you really solve the issues and not bury them.

Resentment is a very real challenge in many marriages and you must deal with it in order to stop it eroding the foundations of your marriage.

How to Get That Spark Back

I could build a practice on this one question. "How do we get that spark back?"

The answer is shockingly simple. Be the person you were when you had spark. It's no secret that in the beginning of a relationship we are on our best behavior. However, a more subtle reality is that falling in love makes us feel our most alive. In that high vibration, sharply alive energy, to put it simply, it's easy to be exciting, sexy, and engaged. Not too mention your formerly single self was doing a lot of cool and exciting things - that you may or may not do anymore.

Fast forward a few months or years and in many cases that highly charged vibe wears off. Now, I know what you're thinking. "We have bills, pets, kids, cars, jobs, and responsibilities up the wazoo. I am run down and drug out most of the time. I don't have the energy to fake being 'madly in love' ".

Here's the trick. You have to get back to what turned you on before the relationship. What made you feel the most alive and engaged? What brought you the most bliss and joy. If you want to get that spark back in your marriage, you have to get that fire lit underneath yourself again. Working on your marriage never really works. You really only have yourself and your energy to play with. So, why not do just that. Play.

You may be wondering, "But what about my spouse??? It takes two to tango. Don't they need to do some changing too?" Maybe, maybe not. However, you stand a lot better chance of getting someone else to change by leading that band energetically then you do by begging, pleading, fighting, and nagging. If you get get yourself turned on and lit up again, chances are very, very high your beloved will follow right along, probably because they are curious about where all the fun is.

So, pull out your photo album. Find some pictures of yourself right before you met your honey and the first few weeks you were together. Who was that woman? Where did she go? I can guarantee you this. If you can find her, you are at least 90% of the way down the road back to, not just sparks, but fireworks in your marriage.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage. To learn more visit: Steps to Save Your Marriage