How to know the person you’re with is the one

After five years of dating my now ex, I felt a huge weight lifted. It wasn’t because he was horrible or anything like that, I simply felt that if I didn’t break-up with him at that moment, I would never have the guts again and my future would be set in stone. Like forever…I wasn’t ready for that or to be honest I didn’t want that particular future. Maybe forever is an exaggeration, but long term relationships are difficult because you start making big life decisions based on the life you have together, even if it’s not on purpose. The longer it goes on, the more intertwined in each-other's lives you get. So, before life got away from me, I pulled the break-up band-aid off and I was free.

Well, not straight away.

If you have never broken up with someone (I hadn’t), realize that they might call you back, try to get you back, accuse you of cheating or say literally anything. Don’t take it too harshly and most importantly if you decide to break-up, stick to it…don't give in because you will feel the need to break-up in the future again. And that will only have more baggage. More baggage means a bit more hurt, drama and heart-break. So if you feel like maybe that person you're dating isn’t your person, rip off the band-aid.

If you like holding hands when walking down the street, you deserve to be with someone who wants to just as much. Rip off the band-aid.

If you feel like maybe there are a few things you don’t like about that person or, maybe it’s just a phase or they'll change. Rip off the band-aid.

If you know that this particular person doesn’t make love seem like the movies, rip off the band-aid.

What do I mean by that? If you want the kind of love that feels like dancing in the rain, watching the sun rise on the beach, or getting lost in each-other's gazes for hours, then go search for that! It exists and you aren’t asking for too much…you’re just not with the right person. It might hurt to accept that, but it’ll be more painful to live with a love you have too high expectations of.

Don’t let an illusion of love be the reason you stay. Don’t be scared that you won’t find someone else, that’s not a reason to stay. Don’t expect less of your idea of love and what your ideal partner can be, it is out there. It’s incredibly hard to believe and trust that a love that fits better with yours can be out there or even at arms length, but it is. Maybe you won’t find it straight away, but you will find it or at least you’ll be trying to find it. Not in a relationship that gives you a quarter of what you need.

It’ll be lonely at first, but you won’t be lonely and in a relationship. And maybe you’ll be at peace, because you knew it was never forever and you just weren’t ready to accept it. Maybe you’ll be relieved, because you no longer have a secret inside of you telling you “this person is not the one” but you were loyal and committed, just not to yourself. And maybe, you’ll be proud for finally ripping the fucking band-aid off…

So if this sounds like you…rip off the band-aid.

-A girl who had been in a five year relationship until she realized exactly how much she underestimated love and how it can actually be like the movies but simply had been denying it out of pure fear, loyalty, and misconception.