How to Judge Whether You Should Leave a Relationship

I know that feelings can truly blur a person's view of the world, distorting reality and judgement, making it very hard to know what the right decision is, and to also make that right decision. A big key in knowing whether a relationship is right is to take yourself OUTSIDE of those emotions. Try viewing the relationship from a third person's perspective. For example, imagine your sister or best friend is in your position - would you advise her to leave? If so, ask yourself why. If you would advise a friend/sister/brother/parent to leave the relationship, then question why you're still there. Of course, there's a lot more involved than that, and maybe in context, you can justify why the relationship isn't great, or why your other half is treating you not so well.

There could be a plethora of other factors involved in the relationship, which act as reasons to stay, or reasons not to leave. But fundamentally, ask yourself if you are truly happy in that relationship. If you're finding yourself really down, imagine seeing your best friend or brother/sister feeling the same way you do. Once you take yourself out of the emotions, which is what binds you to the person/relationship, you then think with a more rational mind - hence people can normally give great relationship advice to other people, however they may not practice what they preach. It's hard to think with your head over your heart, however it is the most rational and long term beneficial way to approach a relationship. If you're crying time and time again because of your partner, imagine seeing your best friend/sibling/child feeling that way - would you advise them to stay? If a relationship was truly making your friend miserable, would you advise them to stay? Seeing a relationship how it really is is one of the most difficult things in the world, and breaking away from it is even harder. Even making a list of reasons to stay and reasons not to could possibly show how the pros compare to the cons - however, your feelings could take over and this doesn't mean that you're going to act on the cons, because you still may not be able to imagine yourself with anyone else. But of course, this isn't going to result in the best decision.

People need to also stop thinking that they can put up with being treated like dirt when they're not happy - it shouldn't be up to you to tell a guy/girl to treat you in the right way, and I'm sure you would tell your friend the same. And unfortunately, the hardest thing to do in a toxic relationship is accept that maybe it won't change - maybe the other person isn't going to treat you any better, and that's an extremely hard pill to swallow, but it may be the only way to move on. Iyanla Vanzant once said 'you have to meet people where they are and sometimes you have to leave them there', and unfortunately, that's just a fact of life. This is why it's VITAL to put your worth, value, dignity, life, feelings before your emotions for someone else, otherwise you may be in an endless cycle of allowing your love for someone else to overpower your love for yourself. Emotions distort a person's view of their other half and relationship, because that love sometimes overpowers how bad the relationship is or how bad your other half is, making you stay and be continuously miserable.

Love can make you have a selective memory, focusing on only the good times, or focusing on what you want that person to be instead of viewing the picture rationally, and in a clear way. That is why you have to be strict on yourself, and although there is no way of snapping your fingers and making feelings disappear, learn to love yourself, put yourself first, and view your relationship and partner from an outside perspective. Love yourself enough to know your worth, think deeply about how you'd want to be treated by a partner, and access whether that person is living up to your worth. Ask yourself, if you have/had a daughter - if a man treated her the way your partner treats you, would you want her to stay in the relationship? The problem is, it's much easier to access and judge another person's relationship, because feelings aren't there.

Unfortunately, feelings can sometimes limit people's sense of self-worth, meaning that their emotions and person is so heavily invested in someone else, so much so that their self-worth lies with that other person - the other person IS their worth. However, this is why I believe viewing your relationship from an outsider's perspective could help access whether your partner deserves you to stay in the relationship, or whether your feelings are making you. Loving yourself is the most vital thing, because it will determine your standards for yourself - but viewing the situation from an outside perspective means that emotions won't be distorting the truth, reality, and rationale. LOVE YOURSELF FIRST, because then you don't lose yourself to loving someone else.