How to Have a Healthy Break-Up

by Nancy D about a year ago in breakups

#Relationships

How to Have a Healthy Break-Up

Relationships can end for a variety of reasons. They can end because of something as painful as a betrayal, to something as understanding as depression. Sometimes people need to go their own path. The truth is that relationships ending will hurt... and it will hurt both parties. However, that doesn't mean that both parties can't be respectful and try to keep the peace. There are ways to ease the pain and help the transition and this article will discuss some ways to do that.

My Story

I seem to take breakups pretty hard. Every time I go through something difficult in my life, I seem to build a whole new identity after. I have no idea if this is normal, but I am quite certain that it is a direct result of having my house burn down when I was younger. All of my memories, childhood toys and so many things that I used to build my identity. They were all suddenly gone all at once. Not only me, but my entire family was forced to build a new life. This is why breakups mean so much to me. It's about finding my new identity, getting to know this new me. The older and more mature me apparently.

Don't break up by text.

The truth is that I am a hypocrite for this one. I know it is tempting and seems so much easier... but you owe the other person more respect than that. Please don't insult all the memories you have with them by ending it with text. Please be a better person that I am.

Don't be heartless.

A young woman at work told me it would be best to cut off my partner completely from all communication. She claimed that it would be better to help him heal. DO NOT DO THIS! I'm sure there are some breakups where completely ending all communication might be for the best, but most of them aren't. Don't get me wrong, if they were abusive (emotionally or physically) then, by all means, cut them out of your life. However, please do not think that you have to do this. Cutting someone out of your life completely really hurts, and the pain lingers for a while. There's something about hearing your ex's voice again after a break up that feels so familiar and brings a whole bunch of emotions. Please don't take that away from them. Even after that phone call, still be friends.

Be friends.

It shows a lot of maturit to be friends after a break-up, not everyone has the opportunity to be friends with their ex for a wild variety of reasons. However, if you do have the opportunity. Please take it.

I knew someone who's girlfriend came out of their closest while they were dating. While it hurt both sides that they realized the romantic relationship couldn't work, they are still great friends to this day. While she was travelling the world to find herself they still send Facebook messages to each other every day to talk about what they have encountered in life. Later they went on their own trip together.

This isn't necessarily the end.

I am hesitant to say this because this advice isn't for everyone ... but when I was younger and I had a brutal break-up, it made me feel a lot better to be told this. Things change a lot and your paths might cross again in the future. You have no idea what the future holds, so it really isn't impossible. With that said, maybe don't obsess over it. You have a path to walk too and your own journey to find. You can even go on an adventure to find yourself too.

However, the guy I was told this about (a boyfriend from high school), really ended up being someone that I would never want my path to cross over with his again... So like I said, this advice isn't for everyone. I know I said this already, but if your ex was abusive, it is OK to cut them off.

Just know that no matter what happens and no matter what you are feeling right now... everything is going to be OK.

It's OK to cry.

I really wish I could say that I am immune to pain and that I never cry. I really wish that I could skip all the parts in life that make me feel this way... but I cry. It gives me a headache and it puffs up my face at work the next day. I try to avoid mirrors, but people can see that my face is puffy and I know from the way they are treating me that my face must look like I have some sort of allergic reaction.

Despite all this, apparently crying is good for you. I certainly feel better crying with others than alone. Sometimes I feel a release after; sometimes I don't. Even if crying wasn't healthy, it's OK to cry. You can allow yourself to cry. I promise you that it doesn't make you weak or anything like that. It is a part of life.

The pain goes away, I promise.

I know you will never believe me while you are actually feeling the pain... but the pain will eventually pass. Then, after the pain passes, you will eventually forget what the pain even felt like. It might take a while, but I promise that this too will pass.

In the meantime, maybe one drink won't hurt... just don't make it a habit.

Famous Quotes About Breakups

"Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

Alfred Tennyson

"No relationship is ever a waste of your time."

—Unknown

"Stars can't shine without darkness."

—Kris Menace

“Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.”

—Sarah Evans

“I’m thankful for my struggle because without it I wouldn’t have stumbled across my strength.”

—Alex Elle

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Nancy D

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