How to Handle Friend Who Makes Hurtful Comments About Your Appearance

You thought this person was your friend. She always has your back, is there when you need her, everything a bff should be. So it came as a huge shock, when out of the blue, she criticized your appearance.

”I see you gained a few pounds. It’s OK. You’ll get it off.” Only it’s not OK and she knows it. Rub salt in the wound anyone?

How do you respond when someone you are close to tries to make you feel bad. Sure, you could give her the benefit of the doubt, that she “meant well,” in making that remark. But we all know she didn’t.

This Midwest Counseling article suggests having a response at the ready:

“You don’t have to worry about this.”

“I’ve got this under control.”

“My ideas of health and yours are different.”

If you’re in treatment: “I’m working with my doctor.”

If you’re in treatment: “I’m working with my team.”

Licensed Clinical Counselor Rose Metivier also suggests setting boundaries and basically telling people, ”I am not open to talking about this with you,” period.

Because you know they are going for the jugular. They aren’t trying to be “helpful,” or in any way do they have your back. This is a comment to make you feel bad, twist the knife, so to speak.

Because we’ve all been there. If you’ve gained a few pounds and don’t feel great about yourself, the last thing you need is someone reminding you.

I remember being in this play group for new moms when my son was a baby. (They called it a play group, but the babies were too young to actually play.)

I remember one mom pulling me aside and saying, “I’m so jealous of Paula. She‘s wearing jeans again.”

I looked down at my sad sweat pants which I lived in at the time. And I really felt terrible. I wasn’t able to take off the baby weight like the other moms. I know my friend didn’t mean anything by it. She simply thought I could commiserate with her since we were the only two in the group who hadn’t shed the weight.

That comment was my turning point. I immediately began losing pounds. A month later, I ditched the baggy sweats, and to this day, never wear them.

How Do you handle Comments When You Have Lost Weight?

This Reddit thread address that very problem. The OP has lost quite a bit due to a weight loss drug she is taking, and people are taking notice.

She feels embarrassed and doesn’t appreciate the attention. I love the advice from users. They suggest she redirect the conversation by saying something like, “I love your hair today!” Or, “Where did you get that outfit?”

And if you know someone well, you could tell them that you don’t like talking about your appearance, but you appreciate what they are trying to do.

I remember when I was in my 20’s and worked in television news. My weight yo-yo’d a lot because of stress. And viewers would see me on the street and exclaim, “Wow, you must have lost 30 pounds.” I doubt it was that much. But to them it seemed like a lot. I mean, did they saw me as a big fat blob?

Back-handed comliments are just that. Remember, you can’t control what people say to you, but you can control how you react. You know when they are trying to get under your skin…So don’t give these types a reaction. Stay cool, calm and collected on the surface, even though you are probably seething underneath.

If it’s not your weight, it will be something else they will find that you are sensitive about. Maybe the lesson here is, be picky about your friends!