How to Handle Coworker Who Acts Like Your Boss

I remember starting a new job I was really excited about. I was confident, knew my stuff. Hadn’t even been there two hours yet, when my new coworker critized something I had just done…Something I was proud of.

I was flabbergasted. Didn’t say anything though. And the woman left the company shortly after. But what if she hadn’t? What do you say to a colleague who decides you aren’t doing something right and needs to “step in?”

This Reddit thread deals with almost the same situation. The original poster started a new job, and almost immediately an older coworker started criticizing, and ordering him around.

One person suggested the OP outsmart him at his own game:

“First, I'd try not allow it affect my moods and job performance. Understand that he might be struggling with superiority complex, see it as a condition he has and silently pity him and hope that he gets over it.

I'd also try not to encourage his bossiness by not giving any serious response to his questions but yet not being offensive. Also, as long as I have something else to do I'd downplay his tasks and tell him Im working on something else.

Him having worked there much longer means that there's possibly alot you could learn from him. It also means that of he wanted to make your work difficult, he could. Don't give him a reason to do that.”

The poster also advises the OP to seek out his colleague’s advice (even if you don’t follow it.) The man could be simply looking for respect since he is so much older and more experienced.

I love that advice. But I was disappointed to learn from the Reddit post that their manager was unwilling to help. Basically he said, “You two work it out yourselves.” That, to me, is a cop out. If the boss finds out that this employee is trying to take on an unauthorized management role, I think it is his duty to take the man aside, no matter how long he has been at the company.

I think I would say something like, “You want to be in management, apply for the job, Don’t go bossing around this new kid. If he wants direction from you, he’ll ask.”

But I am not in management, nor have I ever been. But I have had great bosses and terrible ones. The ones who lead, know when to step in if there is a conflict between two employees, and when to step aside.

How Do you Handle Difficult Coworkers in General?

In this Psychology Today article, Dr. Michael Wiederman describes three different types of difficult coworkers:

1) Those who withhold their full effort, 2) Those who are chronically negative or pessimistic, and 3) Those who display some form of inappropriate interpersonal behavior.

Dr. Wiederman adds that often people talk behind the difficult coworker’s back. While that might make you feel better momentarily, it won’t solve the problem. He suggests having a heart felt conversation with the person. Don’t cast blame. Instead, try to work together to make the situation manageable.

In my case, the nasty colleague and I were roughly the same age. So she wasn’t looking for that “older and wiser” kind of respect. I think she was just jealous of a new person coming in who could potentially steal her thunder.

Petty jealousy seems to run rampant in certain work places. How you deal with these types depends a lot on where you work and how likely your boss is to intervene. If you find yourself having to fend for yourself, I would smile and nod when they try to boss you around…Then do your own thing. That worked for me.