How To Get Through The First Year Of Marriage (First Year Of Marriage Fighting All The Time)

While thinking of newlyweds and couples going through their first year of marriage, two contradicting statements caught my eye and made me laugh.

I saw a blog post (I can't remember which one) of someone who was asked how she plans to spend their first year of marriage. She answered, "just to spend time together and enjoy each other." This sounded really good. Just to talk and laugh with your spouse for a whole year. Right from the movies.

A few hours later I saw a Colin Powell quote, "No battle plan survives contact with the enemy." This means to me that the most thought-out plans in the conference room don't hold up when you get "out there" in the real world. There are so many things factors that you don't see, that change, or that you misread that in the instant you implement your plan you see how you have to adapt everything you did to the new real situation. This made a lot of sense to me. This is really another way of looking at and explaining "Murphey's Law" and it is so true

That is when I chuckled.

Colin Powell contends that the brightest and most experienced generals in the nation can't make a plan that is strong enough to withstand the practical and real time usage of it, and this newlywed thinks that with no effort at all things will be rosy; "a wish and it will be" attitude.

How does this newlywed expect "to JUST enjoy each other" when the first mortgage payment or rent money is due and both she and her husband have to work extra hours to meet those payments?

It doesn't only take creativity to enjoy each other's company when you are both so tired from the extra shifts you have to work. It also takes commitment and effort to make the time to stay connected and to build the close intimate bond that marriage is all about.

The point is that in today's world I don't think anybody JUST spends time together. It takes planning, work and commitment. Our society puts such pressure on us not to connect with our spouses that without constant thought and effort to make it work even two good and compatible people will slowly drift apart (like a good percentage of marriages).

There is so much that marriage gives to a person to make a their life fulfilling and happy. However it JUST doesn't happen. You can't just wish and it will be. Make the commitment to make it work and put in the effort that is needed and you will not JUST have a happy marriage but you will be proud of yourself that you built a good marriage.

Tips to Get Through the First Year of Marriage

Marriage is one of the most beautiful institutions established because it solidifies a true commitment to love, family, and collective work. So what happens after the beautiful ceremony, lavish gifts, and earth-shattering honeymoon? The couple is left with the challenge of merging lives, families, resources, and traditions to create their ideal family? Although the first year of marriage is filled with intimacy and promise, it can be quite difficult. Fortunately, there are six tips to help newlyweds overcome these challenges and begin living a more fulfilling life.

Tip 1: Avoid the Fantasy

There is no perfect relationship or couple, despite what Hollywood portrays and what others may say. However, it is possible to have a devotion that withstands life's trials, which is the foundation of loving, stable marriages. Truthfully, marriage is tough and requires lots of support and a collective effort to love, compromise, and forgive. Anything that suggests differently is probably a fantasy.

Unlike the relationships portrayed in Hollywood, the average person has children, financial pressures, and professional obligations that prevent him or her from taking lavish vacations and purchasing roses each week, but this should not stop romance. Instead, find ways to create your happiness whether it's attending a free concert or having a picnic in the park. Taking the time to fulfill simple fantasies can create lasting memories.

Tip 2: Choose Your Battles

It is not uncommon to find yourself arguing over simple things. Problems are magnified 10 times because we want to prove our points and win the argument. Frequent arguments lead to fewer opportunities for intimacy and romance. Marriage is full of compromise that requires you to pick your battles with the hope of achieving peace. Some bad habits will never change. Learn what should be ignored and addressed. In the event that a problem is addressed, consider the following:

1. Discuss this problem when both parties are in a good mood.

2. Avoid speaking about serious matters during sports or other favorite activities

3. Be clear and concise about your needs.

4. Find a way to engage your spouse, so he/she helps

5. Agree to disagree

Tip 3: Understanding Culture

Regardless if you are from the same or different ethnic background, there is a subculture that exists. For example, a couple of the same ethnicity has two different ideas about celebrating New Year's Day. One person may attend church services while the other prefers to watch the celebration at Time Square. Instead of criticizing these differences or viewing them as personal attacks, the key is to learn how to merge these sub-cultures in a way that supports individuality and fosters unity.

Tip 4: Protect

Social media has created a platform for people to receive continuous accolades and attention, but what happens when something negative is shared? You will get the same attention with fewer accolades. What's worst? Those comments become lost in cyberspace. Therefore, it is important to establish trust and protect your marriage from social media-particularly when there are disagreements. Disclosing intimate details of your marriage creates instability and vulnerabilities that can ultimately destroy your marriage and your spouse's trust. Posting positive attributes is encouraged, but keep in mind that once the door of disclosure is opened, it becomes easier to share more. Therefore, it is suggested that you use wisdom when posting about your spouse and relationship.

Tip 5: Agree to Disagree

A common myth about marriage is that you should always agree. Actually, it is quite the opposite. There are times when you will not agree with everything your spouse says or does, and this is okay. It is best to understand that there will be times you must agree to disagree to maintain peace. This simply means to respectfully end the discussion agreeing that there are differences. New couples are often frustrated when they cannot come to a happy medium, but using this technique teaches couples to respect and move forward.

Tip 6: Love Unconditionally

Love is not a destination but a continuous journey. To experience this is nothing less than a blessing, particularly during challenging times. Love should not be based on conditions like money, physical appearance, and status. Instead, it is an emotion that demonstrates respect and loyalty during the toughest times. Requesting that someone does not change is not love but infatuation. A mature person who loves understands that change is an inevitable part of the human experience and does not see all changes as a personal threat but an opportunity to nurture.

The first year of marriage is full of bliss. Taking time to really understand the needs of your spouse takes time and a considerable amount of effort to get to know his/her likes and dislikes. Marriage is a collective journey that is filled with many triumphs and trials. No one has all of the answers but developing an intimate relationship with your spouse is the beginning of creating a strong foundation for overcoming many of these trials during your first year and those to come.

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