Humans logo

How to get over a breakup

by Alexandra Grosu 2 months ago in breakups
Report Story

Grosu Alexandra

Getting your heart shattered is a solid “extremely dreadful” on a scale of 1 to excruciating. Most of us have been in that position at some point, left unsure of how to get past a heartbreak.

There is a way through heartbreak even if you genuinely feel like you’ll never be happy again at the time. There is no foolproof way to avoid heartbreak (unless you’re a heartless robot, of course). Here, three professionals provide their tips on how to move beyond a heartbreak.

Permit yourself to experience your emotions.

You will experience a wave of emotions when someone breaks up with you, according to psychotherapist Rebecca Hendrix, LMFT, of New York City. It’s traumatic. It knocks you for a loop. Additionally, she advises “being extremely kind with yourself and allowing yourself to feel your feelings” as with any form of emotional shock. Your emotions are there for a reason, and if you let them out, they may help you get through trying times.

Allow yourself to cry and accept that a breakup is just like any other kind of loss in the days that follow the split. The five phases of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and acceptance — occur when there is a loss. Hendrix explains, “You’re going to go through things in your own manner, in your own time.” Additionally, while you go through the process, affirm your emotions by using phrases like “Of course I’m experiencing this emotion” and “Why wouldn’t I feel this way?”

2. But avoid becoming your emotions.

Hendrix argues that while it’s vital to express your emotions, you should also stop short of becoming them. So, if you’re feeling down, give yourself permission to wallow for a while — say let’s an hour. She advises crying, screaming, yelling, journaling, or anything else you need to do to let your feelings out. But stop and move on when those 60 minutes have passed.

3. Terminate contact with your ex.

Heartbreak hurts so badly because of science: According to Elle Huerta, founder of Mend, an app and online community created to assist individuals post-breakup, you truly experience withdrawal-like symptoms following a breakup since the feel-good chemicals you acquired from your spouse are suddenly gone. She continues, “When your lover isn’t there, you start to desire those feel-good chemicals.” “You’ll struggle to move ahead and maybe become trapped months or even years later if you give in to this feeling and visit your ex again.” (Mend encourages a 60-day “ex cleanse” because of this.)

Hendrix concurs that cutting off all touch at first is healthy. It enables you to let go of your attachment to your ex. She says that there isn’t a set guideline on getting in touch with your ex. Communication that is brief and infrequent, such as “Hey, may we converse for a minute? I’m struggling with this” — could be OK. Just be careful they don’t turn into routine “innocent check-ins.” According to Hendrix, “your purpose is to destroy those energetic links, not to keep developing them,” and “every time you talk to them, you open up another energy bond between you.”

4. Find a network of support.

Hendrix advises calling two or three individuals who are close to your heart and telling them what’s happening. “Many people love you and want to assist you, but frequently they don’t know how because you’re not telling them,” he says.

Making yourself vulnerable to others could result in catharsis. According to Franklin A. Porter, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in New York City, “Most everyone has been on the receiving end of a breakup at one point or another, and commiserating with them, sharing stories, obtaining guidance, and being assured you’re not alone, may be tremendously useful.”

5. Exercise.

When you’re moping, working up a sweat may be the last thing you want to do, but believe it or not, it can be beneficial. Exercise helps you gain confidence in yourself and reduces the withdrawal symptoms that come after a breakup.

6. Observe what was awful.

Hendrix claims that idealizing the other person is a typical reaction following a breakup. And even if you don’t want to downplay your relationship’s positive aspects, you also don’t want to become fixated on them. Make a note of all the drawbacks of your ex-partner or relationship and regularly review it to find a happy medium. This mental activity helps balance out all the obsessive thoughts about what you miss about your ex and why they were so great — even if they weren’t.


About the author

Alexandra Grosu

celebrities articles ///




Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights


There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2022 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.