How To Change Your Marriage (How To Strengthen Your Marriage Bond)

When a marriage hits a rough patch it can be a troublesome time for the entire family. Couples often face difficulties and if they don't address them head on it can lead to a relationship slowly crumbling apart at the seams. If you are dealing with this now you may be wondering how to change your marriage so your family stays strong and together.

Thinking about how to change your marriage to improve it can be challenging. You definitely want to consider how open communication is between you and your spouse. If you often feel friction when talking to them, that needs to change. Partners can hold back what they are feeling or thinking purely because they are worried about how the other person will react. If your spouse has told you in the past that they aren't happy and you've become overly emotional, this is a problem. You need to learn how to control what you are feeling so that they feel more comfortable sharing what is going on with them. Work at trying to understand that open and honest communication can be painful but it also is essential if you want a stronger marriage. You have to be willing to accept that you may make mistakes and that you have room for improvement within the relationship.

You also must make time for your spouse as a romantic partner and not just a co-parent when you are thinking about how to change your marriage. A marriage can't grow and flourish if you only spend time sharing parenting and household duties. Couples must make an effort to keep their emotional and physical connection strong. You can do this by planning time for just the two of you. It doesn't have to be anything extravagant at all. Something as simple as a night home alone watching a DVD and eating take-out can help. Just ensure that you do have time away from the children so you can focus on one another again, just as you did when you first met and married.

The Ways on How to Save Your Marriage

Are you totally and absolutely sure that you want to save your relationship? If your answer to that is definitely "yes", that's great... But there is another important question you need to answer, and I really want you to really take a moment to consider it deeply before you answer it...

Stop right now and take a look at the current state of your relationship... Think about how it is today and what it was like previously. Look at your spouse... Your life partner! Providing you can encourage them to work with you and change with you and create a new relationship based on what you want, rather than bad habits... Is this really the person that you want to spend your life waking up with?

This is a question you definitely want to have a good feeling about answering positively!

And if you can't, you need to take time out and maybe think about your other options instead? So think about it for a for a moment and only read on if you're ready to honestly answer "yes" to that question...

So... Hopefully, if you're still here you've decided to save your relationship... Yes? That's fantastic! Now it's time to look at how to really change your direction and create the relationship that you've been dreaming of having!

The tragedy with the high rate of breakups is that I believe so many of them could easily have been prevented if the people involved had known what they needed to do, step by step. And now you've decided to be committed to your relationship (and the work required), this means that you hopefully will not only have a great relationship, but also you won't have to be yet another divorce or break up statistic.

Alright... So now you've made a commitment to stick with your relationship, let's get on with it. It's now time to start the work to turn it around!

A great first step is to make a decision that from today, for the next 6 months you're not even going to contemplate the idea of divorce or break up at all (regardless of what you see and experience in your relationship). For this time period, whenever any fearful thoughts of divorce, or breakup enter your head you will need to remind yourself of your decision, and then take a breath and allow these thoughts to just drift away completely. This isn't necessarily going to be easy, but you have said you want to rebuild your relationship, and this is where the work is.

You may find that right now you're the one who has more of a "conscious" or "apparent" interest in working on the relationship. If this is the case for the moment, that's okay. And this will change if you follow the steps that I'll tell you about, but just for the time being you need to accept your role in this way, because if this is the case you're probably going to have to be the one who does more of the "changing" work (at first!). It's human nature... Just like the person who gets hungrier earlier or more often is typically forced to think about meals more than the other. The person who (initially) has a stronger inclination to work on the relationship will typically have to put in the work to do the changing at first. But don't worry about this - it will change as your spouse starts to reap the benefits of your work on the relationship.

1. Think about what your relationship was like when you first met

Ask yourself what it was about your spouse that you fell in love with originally. Then look into their eyes and see if the person you initially fell in love with is still present. Are they still in there somewhere? Spend time being with each other talking about what you loved about each other when you met or fell in love... Try to see each other in that light again. What did you do that you both enjoyed? Why did you stop doing that? Where did the laughter, fun, smiles and peace go? Talk about this with your spouse and get curious about what they feel and think about it!

2. Start to talk to each other more

Make a conscious effort to build your connection and really give yourselves permission to get to know each other from scratch. Ask questions about each other's experiences of life and of the relationship! Talk about what you both want from the relationship and what you both need that you're not getting at the moment. Be willing to listen to each other and don't judge the other's experience as invalid, wrong or unbelievable. Talk about the pain and hurt that really are a very natural and "normal" part of any marriage or relationship, and take the time to really look at where you both stopped feeling nurtured or valued by each other. This conversation has a lot of benefits.

3. Get clear on what stopped working

This is a crucial step... Because unless you know what stopped working, it's very hard to recreate your life together. Really try to understand what stopped working, or what needs weren't met. Try to talk about it together. Naturally, if you're the one who wants to work more, you could possibly need to be a little patient to get your spouse to talk to you about this, but understand their resistance (as a normal response that is triggered by painful or unsuccessful experiences) and be creative in how you get them to open up with you.

Those are a few good starters. Make sure you remind yourself that there really is no such thing as a perfect relationship. They only exist in fairy tales and in movies, so don't be too hard on each other or impatient with each other.

As I said, this really is just the beginning of your work, but if you follow these steps, they're a great start to help you open up the lines of communication between you and start to turn your relationship around.

Pay Close Attention Here-

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