How to Be Romantic With an Introvert

I am an extremely introverted and just flat out awkward person. And my poor husband learned early on that I am not a romantic person… at least not outwardly so. I am adamant that I do not like to be touched (but I do, just only in certain ways and at certain times and by very certain people), I claim that I don’t like cliché romantic gestures, and I’ve just always been difficult at receiving love.

But awkward as I may be, I am a human who needs love. There are just only a few specific ways that I can really handle “romance.” If you find yourself in a relationship with an introverted woman who consistently fends off your romantic advances, this one is for you. (This may also apply to awkward men but, alas, I am a woman so I cannot speak for them confidently.)

1. Food

Just bring me food, please. Anytime, anywhere. Food makes me happy. Food lets me know you’re thinking of me without you needing to send me some sappy message to let me know that you’re thinking of me. And even if I say I don’t want food, I probably do want food, or will want it shortly. So if you’re like, “I’m going to the store, do you want anything?” and I say, “No, thanks, I just ate,” then get me my favourite snack anyways because we both know I’ll be hungry by the time you get back.

2. Hugs From Behind

These are the best because I don’t have to react. I don’t have to look into your dreamy eyes, I don’t have to figure out whether to wrap my arms around your neck or your waist or both, and I don’t have to worry about how long it’s been since I last put on deodorant. I can just melt into your body and not say or do anything but feel all lovey-dovey.

3. Remember the details.

Remembering the little things is almost as (and maybe even more) important than remembering the big things, like remembering what my favourite chocolate bar is, or my favourite book, or remembering that I like scary movies, not slasher movies. Remembering the little things lets me know that you’ve actually paid attention to me and learned about me and, really, what’s more romantic than that?

4. Give me space (but not too much).

Like any introvert, I need my space so I can recharge. And not only is there the process of recharging, but there’s all the process of pre-charging. But if we’re in a relationship, it’s because you’re one of the few people that I don’t feel I need space from COMPLETLEY. I still need a bit of space, but even just sitting in the same room and not speaking to each other or doing anything together is space enough. And knowing when I need what amount of space is also really groovy. Feel free to ask if you’re unsure. It’s better than not giving the right amount and it lets me know that you really care and understand.

5. Don’t invalidate my feelings.

Introverts are oftentimes anxious, so we’re going to have some seemingly crazy thoughts and moods. It might not make sense to you that I went home in tears because I thought everyone hated me even when everyone we just saw were nothing but sweet to me. But even if it doesn’t make sense, you can just give me one of those great, big, from-behind hugs and tell me you love me and leave it at that. I already feel crazy most of the time, so reminding me isn’t going to be extraordinarily helpful. What will be helpful is to remind me that you’re there for me and even if I think no one likes me (or whatever wild, irrational thought I’m having), you still like me and that you will no matter what. Be careful with how you word it though. You don’t want to be TOO romantic. Just kidding.

So those are just some of the few ways you can be romantic with an introvert. Basically, it’s just best to keep it simple and avoid grand, public gestures at all costs. And the best thing to do would be to just ask your partner what they think is romantic and then go from there. We’re all different. But like I said, we’re all human and we all need love. And at the end of the day, you should give your love any way that you can.