How To Be Politically Correct On a First Date

How do you feel about your dating past so far?

Do you play by a set of rules and expect others to follow?

Do you hang in limbo for the person to call you, or are you the one making the first move?

They say the dating game is fun and carefree. If so, why do people dread it?

Here comes the manual for not only surviving first dates but also enjoying them. Authentically. Unapologetically.

Let your guards down.

Vulnerability is a powerful force connecting human beings.

I used to make friends through alcohol, opening up to somebody after a few drinks, having the courage to make out when the champagne was involved. Those relationships lacked authenticity. Their true nature was covered with artificially induced smiles, jokes, and boozed audacity to have fun.

Nowadays, I am eager to empower my new partnerships with my unique flaws as a part of my package deal.

Perfectionism is not appealing. Your little quirks make you attractive, the way you stumble, the way you stutter, the way you sip your coffee.

Why? Because those little things make you relatable.

Ditch the cover-ups.

Everyone has their soft spots. Not everyone is aware of them. However, those malfunctions are truly exceptional and liberating, especially when you can communicate them with nonchalant candidness. No alcohol involved.

I believe on the first date, we present a polished version of ourselves, which causes us to enter the relationship based on unrealistic and extravagant expectations towards ourselves and our partner as well.

Only to discover that playing the "made up" version of ourselves is not our cup of tea. We back off with a feeling of resentment towards the relationship for not living up to the dream.

We mirror magazine covers rather than the nonchalant glam of everyday morning.

We strike our best poses, come up with entertaining ideas for books and movies that might impress our date.

Isn't the whole dating phenomenon just a fake idealized version of ourselves, actually performing at our best??

There is nothing wrong with being at the top of your game. The question that bothers me: how long can we keep up the pretending?

Once the magic of the first date fades away, the glam is gone, the crappy mood looms on the horizon, do we apologize for having a human moment? Or do we live up to the pretence?

I like toying with the idea of no artificial strings attached. In a photoshopped feed and filtered content, your sense of honesty and relatability is a beacon of light.

Stop trying.

The more desperate you feel, the more tangible it becomes.

Whenever you try to make an impression, you are left with no authentic form of expression.

The more you chase the person, the more your desperate energy repels them.

Just like chasing the cat around the apartment, the more you try to get a hold of it, the smarter it hides away.

People can sense your intentions behind the facade of phoney confidence, and there is no allure in faking it or getting caught, for that matter.

What is the most attractive feature to be nurtured by any human being? Authenticity. Not everyone has the courage to act on it. Yet, those who exercise authenticity are the most passionate and free people I have ever met.

Perhaps because people connect to honesty and vulnerability.

The article titled "Be yourself: Authenticity as a long-term mating strategy" justifies showing your true colours:

• authenticity provides good long-term relationship outcomes,
• people who are themselves on dates represent higher self-esteem while rarely displaying any narcissistic traits
• those who promote an "authentic lifestyle" are more attractive than individuals that play hard to get.

It does not need to translate into a romantic relationship, but you are drawn to the connection with magnetic people, whose energy gets etched on your memory for years to last.

Those who appreciate your straightforward personality will remain in your life as a dear friend or a meaningful experience.

The power of silence.

So many people are stressed out about their first date. What are they going to talk about? What if they don't like me?

You don't have to do the talking all the time. It is rare to sit with somebody in silence and feel comfortable with it. The quantity of your babbling does not translate to the quality of your being.

Also, it is a great test for you two to measure how comfortable with each other you can get.

I know it is not sexy ranting on about your daddy issues, messy apartment on the first date. However, presenting the delusive image of yourself by coating it with lucrative imagination, will only backfire.

Instead of freaking out about topics to omit on a first date, pressure which subjects to talk about, meditate upon going all in, no preparation necessary.

Forget the need to please.

We have been programmed to care.

Care what others might think. Care how we make them feel.

Rarely does anybody guide us to look after and recognize our feelings, not fearing to step on people's toes.

I am not obnoxious about my preferences and likes when meeting somebody new. But I am not willing on taking masks either.

Nobody needs to shrink themselves just for the sake of being a match to somebody else. No strings attached. Don't be a puppet conditioned into being loved.

We tend to guard our views in order to be politically correct. However, being overly nice, even lenient with our outlooks, give consent for push-over treatment. I am not surprised, we tend to attract narcissistic partners, so they can dominate the relation.

A self-conscious partner, who is aware of their self-worth, does not feel the need to dominate. They long to create the mutual ground for growth and understanding.

"No strings attached" fashion.

Dating might be a marvellous opportunity to open up about your boundaries, let your guards down, and welcome fresh possibilities and tastes.

Dating mix it up. Dating changes the routine. Dating makes us want to try out new things.

New prospects alter your approach to life, considering you are willing to open up to a stranger in the most authentic measure you are comfortable with.

I realize the above-mentioned ideas may not be immediately popular, especially in a romantic arena. Nevertheless, I suggest you try them out and learn from the experience.

It all boils down to mindset. If you wish to be against dating, carry on. If you give it a chance to approach it as something fun, it might as well surprise you.

Don't get too attached to the idea of who you should be. Instead, uncover the version of you that makes room for authenticity and connection with another flawed human being.

We were conditioned to make a big deal out of a first date. The articles I have stumbled upon are staggering, from lists of first date activities, ideas to talk about, clothes to wear, to what seems "appropriate" and what doesn't.

Who makes those rules? Who obeys them? Unfulfilled serial daters.

Thank you, next.