How to Avoid Post Wedding Regret

I never was one to imagine my wedding when I was a little girl.

I was often much to preoccupied with trying to land an actual significant other to ever think about the details of what it would like to get to the wedding planning process.

So when I actually got engaged and started planning my wedding, I was completely lost. I had no idea what flowers I liked, how to coordinate color schemes, or the first thing about event planning. I also lived over two hundred miles away from my mother and any other family member that I would have wanted to plan such an important event with.

Because of this, I ended up hiring a wedding planner and purchasing one of the most expensive packages the wedding planner offered. I knew I needed all the help I could get and I wanted to make sure that the day went perfectly.

As it turns out, because of my type A personality, I actually didn't really need that much help planning my wedding. Also, no amount of money can stop Murphy's Law.

While my wedding mishaps weren't Bride Wars worthy, I did have a lackluster DJ that didn't do the job he was hired for. This left a sour taste in my mouth that made the whole day feel like an astronomical waste of money. I went back to the hotel that night with a very drunk husband who was incapable of walking by himself and a feeling of making a very bad financial decision.

I should clarify that I deeply enjoy being married and do not regret getting married at all. My husband is my best friend, partner in crime, and, even with all of his imperfections, I would choose him over and over again. However, I think that the $15,000+ we spent on that one day could have been put to better use.

Why I Would Have been Happier Spending the Wedding Money on a Vacation

Once I had time to process my feelings of disappointment (and open all of those cards from family and friends) I realized some important things about myself that had essentially set me up to be disappointed in how my wedding day had gone.

1. I Had Tried to Manage My Expectations, but Didn't

I knew realistically that there would probably be small mishaps throughout the day. As with a lot of brides, I had a deep desire for things to go well, but I also knew I had to be realistic that something with so many moving parts had potential to go awry. I had planned and planned and planned and thought I had worked all of the kinks out of everything. Surprise-- I missed something.

I also had planned to have our wedding at a halfway point between where our two families were located. This resulted in an absolutely beautiful venue with a charming history and great photo ops, but inconvenient travel conditions for EVERYONE on the guest list, not just one side of the family. This led to 95% of my guests leaving by 8pm, and believe me, that was far worse than the DJ that decided a playlist of Pearl Jam was appropriate for a wedding reception.

2. I am an Introverted Person

All sorts of people get married, not just outgoing bubbly personality types. I am in truth an ambivert, however, a large portion of our wedding guests were from a side of my family that I have a complicated and less than ideal relationship with. The majority of these guests were invited due to my mother's demands request, even though I didn't necessarily want them there. As with most ambiverts, being around people who make me uncomfortable results in slipping into more introverted behaviors, such as having a hard time going to my guests' tables and greeting them/thanking them for coming. This part of the day felt very much like giving my great aunt Ethel a hug against my will at Thanksgiving when I was six.

Since I was already retreating into my shell from being around uncomfortable family members, I also didn't assert myself like I normally would and tell the DJ to do the job I hired him for and to stop playing garbage music. Fixing the issue with the DJ would have gone a long way toward making the day more enjoyable for everyone.

Since both my husband and I are introverted people, we wanted to have only our VIPs invited to the wedding. The inconvenient location of the wedding caused quite a few of our VIPs to decline, resulting in a lower turnout than we expected. The large amounts of empty white chairs where their faces should have been only added to the feelings of disappointment.

3. I Didn't See The Value In the Celebration:

One of the main things that I emphasized when I was planning my wedding was the importance of getting the best photographer I could with my budget. I must have searched hundreds of photographer websites before stumbling upon the photographer we hired. I knew that the pictures from our wedding would last longer than any other aspect of the wedding, so I wanted to make sure that the money spent in this area would yield the best return on my investment. To this day, I still am so in love with my wedding photos and am happy that I chose the photographer I did.

I knew that the majority of a wedding is the reception, however, I didn't really want this part of it. A reception to me was just part of the wedding package; you get married, you have a reception. To some people, the traditions and activities that are done during a reception are very important to their culture. Some just really like the excuse to get drunk and party with their friends and relatives. Neither of these were the case for me.

With the amount of money we put aside for the wedding, we easily could have taken a week long trip to Europe and created much better memories. In reality, we took a short trip to Niagara Falls and took a week long trip to Ocean City, Maryland on our anniversary. I still enjoy the memories I made from the anniversary trip to Ocean City, but I think about how much better the return on investment would have been with focusing on something I would have seen the value in.

4. I Had a Wedding to Make Others Happy

For me, there was an incredible amount of pressure to make sure that my wedding would satisfy what my mother guests would want. I did quite a bit of customizing of traditional elements, such as nixing the father/daughter and mother/son dances, as well as the bouquet toss and creating an alternative to the garter toss.

Even though I customized these traditional elements, a lot of it just felt like filler material for a reception I ultimately didn't want. Looking back now, I know that I would have enjoyed myself much more if I had the ceremony at a beautiful venue close to home and then spent the rest of the money taking an epic vacation somewhere.

If you want to avoid post wedding regret, turn down money from parents or other family members to help you pay for the costs. My husband and I paid for our wedding mostly by ourselves, however, we accepted some money from my mother and my father. While my father was genuinely only trying to help out with costs, my mother took her contribution as a ticket to strongly suggest how things should go, from the guest list, to what kind of food was served. While your mother may not act like mine did, there will 100% be another family member who will act that way.

Weddings are about the joining of two people together and the life that they are officially embarking upon as one legal unit. A wedding, therefore should contain only the elements that the couple wants. So do what you want, even as crazy as it sounds to other people. And remember the reason you're having a wedding in the first place; to start a new life with your significant other. Be true to what you want, and everything will work out for the best.