How to Approach a Girl You Like

She seems smart, looks good and all you want to do is talk to her but you can’t. Where do you even begin? What do you say to her? The truth is that you are scared. You don’t want to embarrass yourself. You don’t want to be rejected and so you are still standing there, looking for how you can tailor make the perfect outcome. Well, you can’t. You just have to put yourself out there. We cannot guarantee you the outcome but here’s how to increase your odds:

1. Have confidence

While being nervous and tripping over yourself may be endearing to some girls, confidence is way more attractive. Confidence is not douchey. It is not acting like you are the best thing that could happen to her. Confidence is gracious. It recognizes that both of you may end up having a really good time if all goes well. It is being able to detach your ego from the entire experience so that even if she rejects you, you are not absolutely crushed.

Take a moment to calm down. She is just a girl and the worst she could do is say no. Being more confident will remove most of the awkwardness of approaching someone for the first time. May even make the experience enjoyable.

2. Pay attention to non verbal ques

Before you move in and start talking to her, observe her without being the creep staring at her from the corner. Smile at her when she looks your way and maintain eye contact but don’t drag it out unnecessarily. This will help you gauge if she is warm or standoffish, if it’s a good time or not. It will give you some insight, albeit superficial, into her personality and you can play to that.

3. The friendly approach

This is the best shot you have at going the furthest with this girl. Don’t just start hitting on her, most girls don’t appreciate that. Instead strike up a friendship first. When you approach her, dial down the compliments and flirtation, just have a good conversation. Hopefully you already are a nice and genuine person, so you don’t have to pretend. Just be careful not to drag this out for too long because you will lock yourself in the friendzone.

4. Just say something

The most important thing is that you walk up to her and actually say something. Count to three and just execute. Do not overthink this. Remember number one: she is just a human being and the worst that she could do is say no. You don’t have to say something profoundly brilliant. You don’t even need to be funny. If you can be witty, that is great, but you don’t have to. A simple hi is better than standing across from the room staring at her and overthinking everything.

If you don’t know anything about her, rely on the environment to give you something to talk about. Comment about the coffee if you are in a coffee shop, talk about the speakers if you are at a conference. If she is someone you have seen around, tell her you have seen them around and then ask if she lives or works around there.

The best option is to have someone introduce the two of you and even then, you still have to say something. Don’t just say your name and stand there awkwardly. Contribute to the conversation.

5. Should you use pick up lines?

Unless it is brilliant and original, absolutely not. Pick up lines are cheesy and she has probably heard them all. It was funny the first time she heard it but by the fifth time, it’s mildly irritating. Great pick up lines should be used to get her to laugh, and from there it’s all up to your personality. Do not put all your mental energy in delivering the perfect pick up line and then have absolutely nothing to say after.

6. Good conversation

Most people are looking for someone to connect with. We connect through communication. Once you strike up a conversation with her, ask her questions that require longer answers than yes or no, like what she thinks of the music if you are in a place that is playing music, instead of asking if she likes the music being played.

Do not get so caught up in selling yourself that you neither listen to her nor stop talking about you. Also do not just ask her questions without weighing in on whatever is you are talking about. It is not an interview.

Do not get all in your head but if you realize she doesn’t want to talk, it is best to be polite and leave her alone. Maybe it is not a good time for her, you do not know what kind of day she is having.

7. Create an opportunity for follow up

If she is actually engaging with you, create an opportunity to keep it going. If she is not, do not take it personally, just wrap up the conversation as well as you can. If you meet again, she will not remember you as the annoying guy who could not take a hint and you may get a second chance.

If things are going really well, it is best to be direct and ask her for her number or if she would like to meet again over coffee or something else. This will save you a lot of time because if she is not available, she may hesitate or refuse or accept but let you know you are meeting as friends.

There are many alternatives to being direct. The easiest is the “I’ll forward it to you” where you bring up a social media post you saw and promise to forward it to her. This way you get her social media handle. It is less pressure than asking for a phone number or a date. It is not ideal if she is hardly ever on Instagram and you get her Instagram handle, or if she has thousands of followers and you just become one of the ten guys in her DMs.

All in all, at the end of the day, the most important thing is that you approach her. Remember to be confident and genuine and things will look up for you. If they don’t, it is okay. There are plenty of fish in the ocean bro.