How My Dating Life Should Be...

Every year that I have taught fifth grade, they have always been obsessed with my dating life. I typically do not divulge whether I am dating someone or not, but this just keeps them asking, and does not deter them as I hope. This year, nothing has changed, however they have been more open with what they are thinking is going on my life.

It is interesting to listen to what a fifth-grade girl thinks is going on in my life, versus what really is. I’m a younger woman, and they have already been exposed to rom-coms, and they think I’m one of the coolest people they know. In reality, I’m struggling through life more than they will ever know (until they turn 30 anyway… then they’ll know). These are some of my favorite quotes:

“Ms. Blake you are so pretty you have all the guys interested in you, right?”

Reality: I’m lucky to find a guy who is interested in me, AND isn’t a complete douche bag. It’s a hard balance to find. Not to mention all those added things I want, like intelligence, sense of humor, being somewhat attractive. They will try to pair me with every adult male that even speaks to me at school. “Miss! I’m pretty sure he was just flirting with you!” Nope, he was just asking how my day is going, we work together, it was out of politeness. That’s how uninteresting adult life really is.

“Ms. Blake your boyfriend should send you flowers every day.”

Reality: Well if I had a boyfriend maybe he would. But, I wouldn’t hold my breath on that one, because I certainly have only been sent flowers once in my life. This is not a common occurrence. Not every man has inherited the chivalry gene, certainly not in my generation. These girls are going to be sorely disappointed when they get older.

“Ms. Blake you OBVIOUSLY have to have a boyfriend you are SO old”

They find it absolutely insane that I am not married, and if I tell them I do not even have a boyfriend they simply do not believe me. “No… you have to you’re almost 30!” In their minds, I’m reasonably attractive and some of them will even tack on personality traits (funny, smart, etc.) so I obviously must have a man who loves me. Sorry, fifth-grade friends, I missed the Disney princess’ gene, and that’s not how life has worked out for me. Also, apparently 30 is old as fuck in fifth-grade terms.

“Ms. Blake I’m pretty sure you and Mr. (fill in the blank) are dating.”

Why am I dating all these men? Typically because they say “hi” to me in the hallway, or I ask a favor of them and they help me out. The tech guy came to fix my computer? Oh yes, that does mean we are dating. A male teacher said “hi” to me in the hallway? Yes, we are also now dating. That’s how this all works right? I wish it were that easy. Also, according to them, I’m dating a different person every few days. If only my life were that interesting.

“Ms. Blake would date someone strong and like prince charming. He would do whatever she wanted.”

HAHAHAHA once you find him… send him my way.

“I bet you went on a fancy date last night… you seem happy today.”

Nope, I drank some tea, read a book, pet my cats, and was in bed by 8 PM. That’s why I’m happy today.