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How I Loved Someone, Without Loving Myself First

A Lesson in Self-Love

By Gren McClinticPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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"You can't love someone until you love yourself" is a phrase that has always haunted me. It left me growing up, believing I could never find actual love. As a depressed teen living with a father they always had a rocky relationship with, I told myself I was doomed. I lived under the strict rule that I couldn't date until I was eighteen. Once I knew that, I knew that my childhood would be bland in comparison to those dating freely. After some time, I did not want to date. I saw all of the trouble and drama it caused my friends, and I was happy to opt out. I had a few long distance relationships with online friends, all of which I'm still friends with today. I had tried twice in person. One I'm still friends with, one I haven't spoken with since, and I'm content with that. After those failures, I thought the old saying might be true, but then I met this huge nerd.

I was making friends my sophomore year when I met him. We were all sitting in the gym getting briefed about rules, and then let freely roam afterwards. Others were playing ball, my new group of friends and I were talking about Assassin's Creed III. At this point in my life, I hated myself, but not as much as I hated my peers. I lived in this small town that was filled with rednecks and rampant with xenophobia. I wanted to get out of this town at least, if I couldn't get out of life itself. On our way out, said huge nerd made a Megaman reference, and I got it. We talked about Megaman briefly. He seemed to be a huge fan, and I had never played a game. I only knew some of the music and basic character knowledge, but the way he talked about it made me feel like I loved it as much as he did. He spoke with such passion, and a light in his eyes. I thought it was cute. However, this was just the beginning of our friendship.

We found many other things to bond over. TV shows, music, podcasts, and many more things were our topics of conversation. We gave each other our Tumblr URLs, and that's how I knew he was going to be a true friend. We started having sleepovers every weekend. The only reason my dad allowed this was because I couldn't get pregnant. Our parts were the same, so it was no problem. These were the best weekends of my life. At about the third sleepover, I walked back into the room after going to the bathroom and looked at him. He had his glasses off, and was smiling at something on his phone. The room was dark, but his phone lit up his face with this technology angel glow. I laid down on the bed next to him and looked at him some more. I knew then and there, this was love.

Our friendship continued on for another year. My junior year, his sophomore year, he started dating someone that we are both still good friends with. At first, I was crushed, but I made sure he was happy. For the most part, he was content with this relationship. Things slowly got draining for him and he couldn't keep up with it and school. Things were getting a little toxic for this poor nerd, and he realized something I wished he realized long ago. He had feelings for me.

After talking things out, he broke up with his significant other. About a week after, we started dating. We told his ex, and everyone else, that we were dating at a friend get-together. It has been a little over two years since we started dating. We have certainly gotten closer than the puppy love days of the past. We have had arguments and differences, but we have always talked things out. Good communication is key in a good relationship, and we've had good communication since the start. We were lucky to have found each other and to still be together now.

Since then, I have slowly realized my worth. Without him being around, I don't think I would have ever found self love. He has told me that the same goes for him. We have both helped each other realize the importance of support, and how it can give you a will to live. Imagining a future that is better with him around, has made me want to continue. We're both still on a road to self-love, but it's easier to do it together, than alone.

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About the Creator

Gren McClintic

23 year old writer

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