How I got out of the Narcissistic Fangs

We've all been there before - we fancy somebody who's attractive, we get to know them as friends, something develops, and then - BOOM!

A huge complicated mess emerges from out of nowhere, leaving you confused and heartbroken all because there was a lack of communication or someone just failed to make things clear.

When it comes to unrequited love, you could be left with a lot of questions - or worse, more confusing feelings than there are genuine ones between two parties.

You're in love with your friend, and then your friend is in love with another person, and the person they like doesn't return the same feelings. The cycle goes on and on until someone breaks or decides to leave.

But you see, this type of love could cause you to question your worth and at the same time, it could also be hard to rationalize every situation. You could also be spending so much of your effort trying to get the person you like to notice you, only to be disappointed at the end of it all.

As a person who has been through this situation countless times, I was never an expert at it. I was never an expert at love or giving people advice, however, because I have been through so much - I managed to learn from my experience and tried to avoid it the second time around.

Of course, no matter how much you try to avoid these situations, if you are not aware of what's happening around you, or you are just a "victim" in someone else's game, it could be hard to distinguish what's true from what isn't.

So, how did I get out of such a toxic predicament?

What exactly did I do? What made me decide to stop?

And what kind of person was I dealing with?

I was dealing with a Person who fears Commitment or a Narcissist

This type of love triangle was tricky to assess.

In my case, I was dealing with a narcissist. Typically, somebody who was afraid of commitment and only wanted to feel important.

Narcissists are very charming, they are also very attractive, very sweet, and can say the right words to get you to put your defenses down.

Once they figure out what triggers you or what makes you weak, they will then target those traits and use them to gain control over you.

On the other hand, a person who just fears commitment, in general, will cringe at the thought of putting a label on your relationship, thus avoiding the "talk" with you when someone starts to catch feelings.

These people will really not put any value on how you treat them, but instead use you to feed their own selfish needs without any regard for yours.

This is where it gets dangerous, because once you start falling into that trap - you lose sight of yourself and therefore latch on to them like a leech.

Disarming the Enemy

Dealing with a narcissist was hard. I felt the need to keep doing things I would normally never do;

I went out of my way to make sure that they are okay, and selflessly tried to be there for them when they needed to be comforted or taken care of. In nature, narcissists are very needy people. They will ask you to do things for them like clean their car, wash the dishes, ask you to get them food - basically anything that will make them feel like they have control over you.

The only way you can disarm a narcissist is if you have a strong grip on yourself individually.

Narcissists hate a person who knows what they want and knows how to get it. They are also very insecure individuals, so if they find you doing something that they can't - they will try to use that against you or make you feel like they can do it better than you.

It was hard trying to disarm my enemy because I was put under a spell emotionally.

I lost sight of who I was as a person and therefore couldn't decide on my own. It's like getting bitten by a poisonous snake and the only way for you to get rid of the poison is if you suck it out of your arm.

I reached my limit emotionally and decided that I no longer wanted to be part of the endless cycle I was being placed under. I already saw the lack of direction in terms of the "relationship", so I decided I needed to put myself first.

Snapping Back into Reality and Setting Limits

Emotionally, this sort of situation can be avoided when you know how to set boundaries for yourself.

In my case, I lacked personal boundaries and neither did I know how to set them. I am a pleasant person by nature, and if you are one too - this will be hard to do.

But, because I love myself enough, I voiced out my concerns and placed boundaries on the other person.

Take note, that when you start to value yourself - everything else will fall into place. There will be no need for explanations, there will be peace of mind, and the heaviness that you feel will eventually go away.

But what if you have fallen in love with that person? How do you handle it?

Okay, let me ask you this - would you rather stay in a relationship that does not value you as a person? Or would you rather have something that is real, genuine, and makes you feel loved?

I asked myself the same question, and once I did - it made things a lot clearer.

After months of being blinded by the narcissist I was dating, I felt no growth. I felt like everything was one-sided and I was undervalued as a person. The minute I started to value myself the easier it was for me to leave.

Of course, I had to suffer a massive lashing because I wanted to leave.

Once a narcissist realizes that they can no longer control you, it will be easy for them to drop you or evidently put your feelings aside once again - by not hearing your side of the story.

Believe it or not, I preferred that.

Since it was hard for me to do all the talking, I let that person do all the talking for me then go our separate ways right after.

The Take-Away

So, what did I learn from all of this?

To be honest, it's quite hard when life slaps you in the face with harsh life lessons.

But I learned that no matter what kind of experience people give you, you should always be thankful because they are in a way making you a better person.

Don't worry about losing people if it's not going to do you any good.

The real crime would be if you lose yourself trying to adjust to other people's needs over yours. Once you get lost in someone else's problem, it will be hard to figure out who you are and where you stand in that person's life.

You'll quickly be able to see the difference in how they treat other people, compared to how they have been treating you. Just remember that every person that enters your life is meant to serve a significant purpose, whether that experience is good or bad.

Don't be so hard on yourself if you don't get it right the first time, the right person for you will never make you doubt how they feel.

Everything will come easy, and it won't feel like you have to constantly change who you are just to meet the other person's expectations.

Love should be a two-way street.

When you find yourself walking alone, get out of it while you still can. That way, you save yourself from headaches and heartache.

Obviously, these things are easier said than done - but learning how to put your needs ahead of others will help you know what to look for in a partner that's why self-love is very important.

Having high standards is not wrong, especially if it means sacrificing your mental and emotional well-being.

Always choose whom to let into your world, because everyone deserves to be treated fairly and we all deserve a person who understands us genuinely.