How Honest Is Too Honest in Dating
Blunt people are people too
I recently saw a question on this website/chat group asking basically how upfront people can be, especially when it comes to dating and sex. This is something that is kind of complex. You can't say whatever you want, whenever you want. It's not that simple, because there is a time, place, and a way to say everything, you can't just blurt stuff out. There are some people who are sensitive.
It's ok to be honest about sex, and whether or not that's all you want in the relationship. If that is all you want, that's ok, but be upfront about it. I had guys literally say "no it's cool if you want to wait, I want a relationship too," then the next thing out of their mouth would be, "but sex is like really important," or "so how long are you waiting?" Let's just say I never went out on the date with them. Yes sex may be important to some, but that's not my top priority in a relationship that's not a friend with benefits. If you want a real relationship sex shouldn't be your number one priority, nor should be the only thing you talk about or do with the person you are with. Now if sex is all you want, or it's super important and the main thing you want, then be upfront. If you say, "oh sex is not important to me," or "it's not all want from you," back it up by not talking about it all the time or asking about it all the time.
Also with sex it is not ok or necessary to go into detail about sexual encounters with ex partners. It is ok to talk about sexual desires. It is also ok to be upfront if you are poly or a swinger. There are some times that it is ok to say things like, "I liked it when my past partners did this." It's ok to know what you like, because we all know that, unless you are a virgin, you have had other partners. Some guys like to act like they're appalled that their female partners have past sexual partners. There is no need to get upset when your partner knows what they like, we are all adults, so we should act like it.
If you want a relationship there should be no secrets. There are ways to say things though. It depends on you, the other person, and the type of dynamic. It also depends on how long you've known the person. There are things you can't say on the first date, but could say a few months in. You shouldn't say things when you are mad. Things said in anger shouldn't carry any weight, but they do hurt. They can also end the relationship. The best thing to do when you get angry is to take a 10 minute break at least, if not more. Me and my current have done that. We have taken 20 minute breaks when we were fighting.
You shouldn't refrain from saying stuff just because it may offend or hurt your partner. If you truly want to be with someone, and they truly want to be with you, you should be able to say anything you want to within reason. You can't call girl a dumb bitch.
Communication is important, but know who you are dealing with. Also know when to bring stuff up, and when not to. Also play nice and choose words carefully.
Hope you enjoyed this, and I hope it makes sense.