How Do You Fix a Broken Relationship? Start With One Honest Conversation

There are so many things you want to talk about when you feel your relationship has fallen apart. Maybe there are arguments you want to address. Perhaps you want to explain why something bothered you and have your partner assure you it won't happen again.

While these are all things you should discuss, it's probably too much for one conversation.

The best conversation to have is if both parties are willing to learn what's going wrong and try to fix it. Relationships can be mended when both people put effort into it. One person can bring up the conversation, but they can't mend it for the two of you.

What's broken?

"Something isn't right" is true but can be hard for your partner to react to. Find out what that feeling is coming from.

Some things you could mention are:

"Every time we argue about housework, we don't speak to each other for the rest of the day."

"It feels like I'm the only one trying to spend time with you."

"We only talk about finances when there's a bill we need to pay."

"We never address issues after we fight."

Once you've identified what you want to discuss, it's easier to talk about changing it.

Avoid placing blame on your partner's motives. Don't say, "You never want to spend time with me." State that you noticed you haven't done anything together in the past few weeks and that you miss them.

Ask to speak with your partner

If something is bothering you, bring it up when you're both calm and have time. If you try to bring it up in the heat of an argument, they may not hear you out.

You can say:

"I've felt like you and I have been drifting apart lately. Is there a time we can talk about it? Maybe tonight or tomorrow?"

Allowing your partner to have input on when to talk can open them up more. If they can't talk to you at that moment, schedule a time. Don't say we'll talk later because later may never come.

Tell your partner what's bothering you

State the scenario and how it makes you feel. Then tell them what you'd like to talk about.

For instance, you could say:

"I've noticed that we're on our phones every night when we're home. I feel sad when that happens; can we put our phones away some nights when we eat dinner?"

Instead of telling your partner they're always on their phone.

They may have a different perspective. Allow them to explain how they feel. You can say:

"Have you felt that we've been spending enough time together?"

Show them you listened by repeating what they told you. "I feel like you think we've been spending enough time together, is that correct?"

By doing this, you're allowing your partner to open up and explaining that you want to know how they feel too.

For more ideas, read how to improve communication in a relationship.

Discuss one thing at a time

If you try to talk about every issue, you'll never reach a conclusion. Pick one thing that you want to address at this moment in time.

If you've been fighting about doing chores around the house, there's probably something deeper that you're not seeing. Maybe one of you doesn't think you're helping out around the house.

You could say:

"What if we make a list of chores we have to do and split them between us? That way neither of us feels as though we're doing all of the work."

See if your partner is willing to change the situation.

Change something you can follow up on

"If we just talked more" is not going to solve any issues. Come up with something that you can both follow through with.

Some ideas:

• Talk for 20 minutes once a week

• Take breaks when arguing and schedule a time to finish talking

• Plan a week's worth of bills or chores

• Put your phones away while eating dinner 2 times this week.

Schedule a time to speak about this issue. "How about we speak on Sunday nights for 20 minutes? We can share one thing that went well and one thing we can improve."

Don't try to change everything at once. It's better to make one change that you can follow through with.

Say sorry if needed.

Telling your partner you're sorry can be helpful, but not if you say, "I'm sorry that you feel that way."

"I'm sorry that I interrupted you and didn't listen to what you had to say. I understand why you may have wanted to shut me out. I'll try to allow you to finish your sentence before I speak."

Allow your partner to accept your apology.

Take a break if things are getting too heated

Taking a break can allow both you and your partner to calm down. But it shouldn't be a threat. Tell your partner that you want to speak but are not able to in that moment.

"I'm getting upset and can't listen to you right now. I want to finish this conversation, but can we take a break for 30 minutes and talk at 7:30?"

If one of you needs more time, schedule another time.

For more on taking a pause without leaving an issue unresolved, see what stonewalling in relationships means and how to respond.

Are they putting effort in?

See what happens after you spoke to your partner. Are they willing to change? Do you feel closer to one another? Are you able to communicate about your concerns?

It's not one conversation that will fix everything. But if they are willing to take steps to make your relationship better, you're on the right track.

Maybe you can tell them:

"We've been speaking on Sundays for the past couple of weeks. Do you feel like it's helped us?"

If your partner is unwilling to communicate or change anything that you mentioned, then it's something to note.

There's only so much you can do to help your relationship.

Don't try to fix a toxic relationship.

If your partner threatens you or tries to control you, that's not something you can help with. Speak to a loved one or professional that can assist you in this situation. If you are in immediate danger, call 911. The National Domestic Violence Hotline can assist you with creating a safety plan. You can reach them at thehotline.org, by calling 800-799-SAFE(7233), or texting START to 88788.

Counseling can be beneficial if you and your partner want to work on better communication. Speaking with someone can help you figure out what you want from your relationship.

To learn more about this option, read what relationship therapy can help with and when to consider it.

I believe that repairing a relationship begins with the partner who is willing to listen—even if he/she doesn't want to. You don't need to fix it all in one fell swoop; one honest conversation and one simple change will tell you if there's hope.

So how do you fix a broken relationship?

You start by speaking to your partner about one thing that isn't right. Schedule a time to talk and see if they are willing to change.