How Anorexia Saved My Life

I grew up watching a lot of cooking and food orientated shows. It all started with my favourite day. Saturday, every Saturday me and my father would watch man vs food on tv gradually over the years it became an obsession of mine without me even releasing it!

My dad would take me to all the different states to win prizes for eating the most amount of food. As I’d always had a big appetite and ate a lot I didn’t even consider it becoming a problem.

No one believed I could do it due to being female only my father. He kept me going and soon enough my self esteem was sky high due to all the attention I was getting.

My dad kept a little black book full of restaurants we needed to visit, and only once I had won would he let me tick off the restaurant.

I thought it was great I had something I could do with my father. We could bond over all our adventures.

Little did I know my dad was making money from my competitions, I only found out when my parents got divorced a few years later. At the time I couldn’t understand the divorce but later at the age of 15 my mother told me why dad had gone.

I felt bad because I had always blamed her for what had happened although I never would've believed the truth at that point, you see my father was my hero.

Looking at the past I blame him for all of my problems as I sit here knowing he had 20000 dollars because of my competitions and there was nothing I could do about it because he had taken me and arranged every single one.

Now I sit on my bed reflecting on what was the worst time in my life I hope for better days ahead, as I have been told by doctors I need to watch what I eat and do even more exercise due to me now being obese.

I started to notice all the other girls around me; they were tiny and beautiful in comparison. I felt like an adult having a midlife crisis yet I was only 16.

That’s when I became obsessive over my looks, I started to skip meals without anyone realising and over exercising to the point where I would collapse but in my head all I could see was my fathers bitter twisted face smiling back at me. This pushed me to go even further. I was also starting to get compliments within a year and with it all put together I managed to keep going. I thought I was doing the right thing.

That's when the doctors stepped in they sectioned me due to me refusing to stop. I just couldn’t give up no matter what size I was, it was not small enough. I was always going to be fat! Fat fat fat!

After 4 years of therapy I knew I had to change. I couldn’t cope with people managing me like my father had so I agreed I followed their instructions and to be honest there were days when I thought I wouldn’t make it due to my depression. Yet I knew I had to keep going to spite my father and he would not win.

Eventually I became so anti my father that I decided I wanted to help others. That's when I started studying to become a dietician. I learnt alot and used the techniques on myself but also managed to start my own business helping others in need.

To this day I have kept the little black book for myself to remind myself of where I came from and where I am now.

Never give up.