Hopeless Romantic

An 18-year-old kid is going to talk about being a hopeless romantic? Why yes, yes I am.

My love life has been short. I have only had a handful of relationships, my last one being my longest at a year and some change. That relationship hurt a lot with my mind always wanting something like a high school sweetheart. I imagined her being MY high school sweetheart, even though we didn't even go to the same schools. I couldn't even drive when we first started dating, but we still had our trips to New York City, where I would bring her places she's never been to, our hiking trips with my family and she would tag along because my family was fond of her, our spontaneous trips with my mom and she would tag along with us because my mom enjoyed seeing me happy with her. When I was able to drive, I would always try and surprise visit her when I would be able to borrow the car from my dad. I would always want to go and buy her gifts or food just so she would be extra happy.

Moving on from my past, I want to talk about the present. My present state of mind, to be exact. Currently I miss the stage of before-dating, but your heart is secretly, but also not-so-secretly, taken. Just the fact that you would be talking to this one person day and night, messing up each other's sleeping schedules just to talk to them. Being able to send a text and it can wind up making their day or even your day. I miss having someone to talk to. I want to be able to send someone funny pictures or sex related pictures and not be judged or laughed at because both parties are looking towards that goal—the goal of being with that person on the other end of that text, but also not rushing into things like sex and such. I want my weird personality to be matched with, but also my heart. I want to still be able to talk to this person as my best friend, but at the end of the day I can still care and love them like my life-partner. I want to be able to take this special person on dates, take pictures of and with this person. We can take those cheesy couple photos, even though I seem like I don't want the pictures to be taken... Those pictures end up being my favorites anyways. We don't even need to post them on social media with our friends saying stuff like, "So cute!" or "Get married already!" in a joking matter. It's the fact that I want to make memories with this person forever. Being able to take this person on a real date, getting all dressed up and going to literally any restaurant, whether it be fancy or not, we are still going to get dressed nicely for this date!

We could even end the date by driving to some view to see the sun come up—if they aren't too tired, of course. I would play music that reminds me of them and their features. Even songs that I know would make us dance or get happy. I want to be able to think about and talk about the future with this person in the future with me. Things like growing old together, raising a dog, and someday be raising a child or children with this person. I want to be able to think about and talk about these things like it's normal. Not being judged or having the other person think in the back of their head, "I don't know, that seems too far into the future... What if we aren't together anymore..?"

Although that would probably be in the farthest part of the back of my head, I just want to be able to talk about it and not even have the slightest doubt about us not being able to have these memories together.