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Here's Why I Never Argue with My Boyfriend

5 Tips to Have a Peaceful Relationship

By DenisaPublished 3 years ago 6 min read
Here's Why I Never Argue with My Boyfriend
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

My boyfriend and I never argue.

That doesn’t mean we don’t encounter issues in our relationship. Because we do. It doesn’t mean that I don’t pout sometimes, because I do, and that he doesn’t get a bit frustrated with me at times. Because he definitely does.

But we have never had an actual fight or a heated argument – we never shout, we don’t blame things on each other, we don’t slam doors. This is partly because of our natural dispositions. We both dislike conflicts and think that angry arguments are pointless and bring nothing positive into relationships.

Some people love fights and heated discussions. As much as I can’t relate to this, I wouldn’t straight-out condemn this behaviour because it might be beneficial for some personality types. You let off some steam, you practice your rhetoric skills, you might even end up having makeup sex afterwards.

I was surrounded by conflict all the time while growing up, and personally, I can tell you that fighting does not bring me many benefits. That’s why I’m so glad that in my relationship, we sort through our issues peacefully and with understanding. What’s more, we don’t even have that many issues to begin with.

Here's why.

We don’t bottle things up

In my past relationships, I got into the habit of bottling things up. I kept my frustrations to myself, I ignored all the little things that annoyed me, I avoided conflict at all cost.

This behaviour led me to hold secret grudges and to grow bitter. I sulked to attract my ex-boyfriends’ attention, and when they asked me what the problem was, I said the famous:


Looking back, I feel sorry for the boys who had to deal with this sort of behaviour I kept displaying. Then again, they weren’t saints either and we all learn from our past mistakes, so all’s well that ends well.

In my present relationship, I try my best not to bottle things up and not to pout just to get some affection and understanding. Because I do get affection and understanding when I talk about my frustrations and when I’m being honest.

We choose to go through the issue together and try to find a solution rather than sulk and cry. It’s great.

We respect each other’s feelings

Even when my feelings are utmost ridiculous and I’m sobbing because of something completely silly, my boyfriend accepts it. When he feels like he doesn’t want to speak to anyone out of nowhere, I accept it. We are being completely honest about our emotions, and despite not being able to relate 100% sometimes, we still respect that this is how the other person feels.

We ask if there’s something we can do to make each other feel better. We cuddle, we make one another tea, we respect each other’s desires, worries and changes in mood. This means that we never put each other down for feeling a certain way we can’t comprehend. We never dismiss our feelings and we always accept each other the way we are.

We don’t hold grudges

I used to hold a hell of a lot of grudges as a teenager. My thought process went something like this:

“If he did it five months ago, he’ll do it again now. It doesn’t matter that I didn’t bring it up and so he can’t possibly know that I don’t like what he’s doing. He should be a good boyfriend and know himself. And remember that thing he did last week? This is horrible. I’m so unhappy. I’ll just carry on and be quietly frustrated because that’s obviously the best course of action.”

Grudges are an awful thing. Over the course of time, all the little grudges pile up and make us more and more bitter towards the other person. After a few years, we don’t even know how to fix the relationship anymore. It’s too much. The pile is too big. Do we even love them anymore? We can’t tell. There’s too much emotional garbage in the way.

My boyfriend and I forgive each other. To be fair, we haven’t hurt each other in any major way, so it’s not really that hard to forgive some small mishaps or annoying habits. Some people hold on to these, though. If you plan to spend a considerable amount of time with this human, maybe even your whole life, it’s important to learn to just let…things…go.

Forgive each other and forgive yourself. Life moves on.

We apologise

Some people hate saying sorry, especially when they feel like they’re in the right. I’ve come to understand that even if I can’t 100% comprehend why the other person feels hurt by my actions or words, it’s still good to apologise. Not because it’s an easy way out, but because I’m sorry I’ve hurt someone.

There’s a limit to this, of course, but if it’s a reasonable thing within my powers and it doesn’t disadvantage me in any drastic way, I try to adjust my behaviour to accommodate my boyfriend. He does the same for me.

You don’t have to completely relate to someone’s pain to be able to feel sorry for hurting them and voice this out loud. It shows respect for their feelings and it helps create a safe space. After all, everyone is sensitive in different ways and everyone gets hurt for their own complex reasons.

We are kind to each other

Last and most importantly, we always try to treat each other with kindness. We don’t say mean comments to each other, we don’t put each other down, we don’t do things out of spite. There’s love and kindness in basically everything we do and say, even when we encounter conflicts.


It’s so nice to finally be in a relationship where I can be fully myself and know that kindness is the main fuel behind the actions of both of us. When one of us accidentally raises their voice or starts being even a little mean, we realise it and apologise. We calm down and change our behaviour.

What’s more, we know that we won’t be persecuted or judged for making a mistake. We know that there are no secret grudges that would be used against us in the future. We know our feelings will always be respected and accepted.

We know that as long as we always treat each other with kindness and invest our time and effort into making our relationship space for us to grow with each other and strengthen our bond, we can always make it work, no matter the circumstances.

And it’s wonderful.

This article was originally published here.


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