Dating: Do's & Don'ts
Dating: Do's & Don'ts

Helpful First Date Tips for Men

by Jules Fortman 2 years ago in advice

Okay, so you got a date with her. Here's how to make sure it doesn't go up in flames.

Helpful First Date Tips for Men

Guys, we need to talk about the way you behave on a date. It's a new era, and just having a nice shirt won't make the cut anymore. Though dating is never easy, there are some things you can do to make the dating world a little more affable to you.

Now that you got the first date up and ready to go, it's important to make sure that you make the most of it. These tips will help you look like the true eligible bachelor you are...and maximize your chances at a second date with her.

First off, manners can and do count.

You know how your mother reminds you to "be a gentleman?" Things like opening the door for ladies, saying please and thanks, and also knowing when to accept rejection politely all make a huge difference in how a girl sees you.

Dining manners, being willing to pay the tab, don't make her pay no matter what, and also not being pushy if things aren't looking rosy all matter. If women have called you rude before, then you might want to read up on Emily Post before your next date.

Even if the girl you're dating turns out to look like her photo 20 years later, you still need to be polite to her. Women can and do talk about the men they date, and if her friends find out that you were rude to her, they probably won't want anything to do with you either. You shouldn't be trying to date her friends anyways!

Moreover, most dating sites will tell women to watch how guys treat waiters at restaurants. So, don't be polite to her and her alone. It comes off as fake — and realistically, it is the definition of acting fake.

Make dating into a job interview.

Dating is a lot like job interviews, and when you're first dating, it's a smart idea to think of it that way. At the end of the day, dating is about finding someone who is a good fit for you.

Your date is interviewing you just as much as you are interviewing them. At the end of the day, if you noticed that the girl in question had traits that you couldn't deal with, you probably would want to call things off. The same thing applies to women.

Girls are very alert to red flags in men, and truthfully, men should be more alert to the same in girls. So, ask her questions. Get to know her as a person rather than as someone who's just ridiculously good looking. At the end of the day, you should ask yourself if you could see yourself being with her, long term.

Taking that idea further, you might also want to take that "job interview" approach with rejection as well. Dates don't want to hurt you by rejecting you; it might not be anything personal against you. After all, it's totally possible to like someone and realize that they would be a bad spouse for you.

Obviously, you shouldn't go full job interview and do something crazy like bringing a notepad and pen. But, at the same time, that mentality switch makes a huge difference.

Positivity is key.

Nothing is worse for a girl than being with a guy who's depressed, insecure, and complaining about money or about his ex. Unfortunately, there are more negative-thinking guys on the dating market than there should be.

If you scored a date with a girl, look at the bright side. You get to talk to a new person, maybe make a new friend, and also just get time to enjoy life around people. You might even get to enjoy a mango-mojito-rita at that ritzy new bar down the street. That's pretty cool, isn't it?

If you're on a first date, the best advice I can offer you is to check your baggage at the door. Acting like the world is out to get you will do no one any favors — especially you.

Understand that there are only a few times when it's acceptable to bail or ghost on a girl.

Believe it or not, guys aren't the only ones who get stood up or bailed on before a date. Guys do it to girls, too. Guys also can ghost girls, too.

Women might not be psychic, but we can tell when a guy ditches a date. We know when the guy is going to take his jacket and "go to the bathroom," only not to come back, or what that phone call means. We also tend to know when guys will ghost.

Both ghosting and ditching a girl mid-date is a jerk move to do. However, a lot of girls will give you leeway if the date's going sour really quickly. There are only a few moments where doing either is okay, and almost all of them involve a girl who is clearly mentally ill, extremely disinterested or making a scene.

You shouldn't ghost a girl or ditch mid-date for superficial reasons, or for a reason like being "bored." Doing this is cruel, disrespectful, and will likely have her telling her friends what happened and they will tell their friends, so its all a bad circle that will come back to haunt you one day.

Be honest, but tactful.

A wise person once said that spilling your guts is about as attractive as it sounds. Yes, you should talk about yourself, but you shouldn't tell her all the gross, messed up aspects of your life on a first date. That will make you look like you belong on Snapped or CSI — and not as an investigator.

Part of learning how to be attractive is learning how to answer things in a way that comes off as assertive but non-confrontational. Learn what topics aren't okay to discuss, and don't be "that guy."

Criticizing, being overly brash, talking about sex and trying to discuss ugly topics will not make you more popular with the ladies. Instead, it will make you look like a jerk...and will probably have her hailing a cab. Also don't drink too much, you might say things you don't mean or say things that you do mean but shouldn't say and make a fool out of yourself.

Don't be a doormat, and do display interest.

As nice as you should be, you shouldn't be a doormat to the girl on your date. You shouldn't lie about liking things you don't like, and you also shouldn't put her on a pedestal. She's a real, true human being — just like you. So, treat her like a person.

That being said, you also should make your interest known. Tell her she's looking sexy if she looks sexy. Tell her you're interested, but don't be over-the-top about it. It's a fine line to walk, but once you know how to display interest without desperation, you'll be way more attractive to her.

Make a point to read social cues.

A lot of girls tend to be very subtle about expressing discomfort. They may freeze up, regularly give looks to bartenders, or even just get very quiet. Most girls, surprisingly, will not actually speak up when they aren't comfortable with something.

If you notice that she looks uncomfortable or isn't really moving when you touch her, back away. You might be making her uncomfortable, and that can ruin your chances at a second date.

Lastly, have fun.

Dating is all about fun. Even if you don't mesh with the girl you're seeing, you'll get to enjoy drinks and a good walk outside. So, have fun with it. It shouldn't ever feel like a trial by fire — even if the date did go up in flames.

advice
Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
Jules Fortman

Modern feminist making moves one pink hat at a time.

See all posts by Jules Fortman