Help My Relationship is Failing.

Help My Relationship is Failing.

“We are walking away from our marriage.”

A person posted...Rising to the surface, a correction of insight resounded within me...”You know....admission of a problem is a healthy start, but there is also a time to acknowledge that the skills a couple has to work with each other are not sufficient for the level of their current needs.” This said, additional resources and training can support healthy growth of the relationship. It provides insight towards facilitating healthy adjustments for the current of life’s transitions.

Growth Goals

Growth goals help a couple to establish both long term and short term goals they would like to achieve in their relationship. Growth goals can be complex, not limited to career achievements but also goals for family development, spirituality, financial stability and personal health. Beyond these goals, the needs for reassurance, intimacy and connection may arise through the complex network of our career, familial, and social commitments. If the couple has identified growth goals, these goals can also assist in meeting forecasted goals for the relationship. Sure developing the eye to see past the stressors of the moment can be an undaunting task but one that I believe is well worth it.

[Growth Goals and the Organization]

For the purposes of logistical clarity, let’s take a closer look at a business organization in parallel. It’s funny how in an organization we can do an audit and performance evaluations to determine whether the skills of the employee are meeting quality standards necessary for the goals of the company but when it comes to a relationship everything is so up in the air. Even vague without any standards to modify, adjust, and calibrate skills to meet the challenges of the progressive stages in life together. Looking at premiere organizational strategies may in fact provide great insights into some relationship dynamics.

[Milestones and Obstacles]

Through this perspective of organizational management, the milestone of periodic performance evaluations found in organizations can serve as a template to a degree for the functionality of a couple growth model.

Sometimes there are obstacles that can hinder us from being proactive and well acclimated partners. For instance, fear. When we can tone down the fears of failure losing a relationship with the motivation to categorically understand the needs we have in our relationship contextually, we may be able to set more definable goals with measurable outcomes without the impatience or the stress of ambiguity that comes from both a lack of awareness and/or the resources to build the relationship into strength for one another.

Hinged upon this, here are a few details I’d like to add about shaping a proactive couples growth model:

1. No couple has the exact same goals as another.There may be similarities but they are NOT identical. A growth model should be tailored to the specific interests and values of the couple.

2. Relationships, just like corporations, may benefit from having different periods for evaluation as well as specific criteria to evaluate based upon the goals they are pursuing.

3. In similar fashion, like a company that does not know it’s goals (or the goals are not well defined), two people in a relationship can have difficulty knowing what to do first to support each other in their relationship.

From Assessment to Action

Acknowledging a challenge then requires the actions to address the challenges. Think of it as an initial needs assessment which requires as a second step towards the actions to meet the demands identified within it. We research into practical solutions toward resolving those deficits found in our regular meetings. The warmth and sensitivity we find in nurturing one another is also an added benefit to the routine excercise.

Today I call you to rise up to the call of understanding your relationship with all of its variances so that you may begin to formulate an appropriate resolution strategy for the current set of needs you have identified. And one more thing...those needs change as the relationship’s dynamics shift due to other factors of couple life. Relationship resolutions are not about finding a one size fits all strategy for loving but rather having the relational fortitude to listen, adjust, support, and resolve as often as you need to for as long as you need to until you get past that season to the next.

This week I will talk about Relationship Eclipses. Wednesday at 12pm I will have a “Relationship Live” on my website at Happy Marriage Pact. Registration is required if you would like to join. Send me an emailed request to [email protected].

After that date it will be available as an online meeting. So you will still be able to access it by request.

For Private Online Appointments, contact my office.

Thank you for reading and supporting my writings on this platform with your prayers, tips, and shares.

Calvin Smith,MA,

Ordained Christian Counselor

For more information about Private sessions email: [email protected]