Hello, and by the way, who are you?

In January 2021, I was driving to see my mother in a local hospital. Traffic halted suddenly, and I was so happy I did not strike the vehicle in front of me. I gazed up in my rear-view mirror just as the vehicle behind struck my little sub-compact vehicle.

It is an extraordinary feeling when your world blacks out, even for a moment. It is even stranger to look up and find your car is moving towards oncoming traffic. At times I have relived this moment over and over.

My life at that moment changed maybe forever. I had enjoyed working multiple jobs, often seven days a week and this was all gone in an instant. My hobbies and studies were suddenly on hold, and I would experience body pain for months to come and still experience it to this very day. The worst those would develop in the days and weeks ahead with a concussion problem that would not go away.

Many have told me that I had a great memory for dates, places, events, and people over my lifetime. I could figure out what a grocery bill was in my head before going to the till and therefore know if all the pricing was correct. In a flash, all these things were gone.

I had recovered from a right shoulder and arm problem almost ten months earlier, but that pain was back once more. I became light-sensitive and began to stutter, and began to experience severe headaches that would often be accompanied by becoming physically ill. Sleep is often difficult, and I have once more been found sleepwalking and sleep talking as I had done in the past.

All of these events are troubling, but maybe the very worst part is going out into public and meeting someone that calls out your name. You look into their face, and you have no idea who they are or where you know them from. Everyone may experience this to one degree or the other, but suddenly not know friends, work colleagues, or some family members can be confusing, heart-wrenching and create further headaches as you struggle to remember who they are.

When the headaches are severe or body pain is bad, taking medication to help has consequences. I will not be able to operate a motor vehicle. I may collapse in my bed and awaken to find the day is gone when I wake up.

I love to operate automobiles, trucks, busses, and my motorhome; this pleasure has become a nightmare at times for me. Imagine going out in your car, driving down the highway and forgetting where you are, where you are going and why you are in a car in the first place. This has happened with family in the vehicle with me, and having them direct me or remind me is kind of them but destroys one’s independence. I have also used stickie notes with where I am going, what day it is, and when to be there.

My family doctor and other professions have all experienced me show up on a wrong day because I believe it is a Thursday or Friday when it is a Tuesday or Wednesday. Modern technology is wonderful as the staff at clinics and rehab facilities will send me email reminders days in advance and even the day before appointments. We live in a world of passwords, email, internet, and these things are all great blessings until your brain forgets or hurts when you work to remember.

One of the most hurtful things is people hear you stutter or are slow to respond. They do not realize that despite buzzing in your ears that you can still hear. On a few occasions, I have heard “I think he is special needs” or worse the day I heard someone use the phrase, “He’s become retarded”

To the entire world, I have had an auto accident and, yes, another concussion. I have a brain injury; I am not “Special Needs”; I am not to be “Pitied” or “Ignored.” Will I change back to the person I was I do not know? I will struggle and experience days where I will hide in a dark room or closet as the pain is too great. I may not know who you are right away, but please know this is not deliberate; it will get better but with time.

I love to write, and despite getting headaches or being very emotional, I believe it will help me regain some of who I once was. I will write a series of articles on my recovery to assist others experiencing similar problems. I hope that those who have worked with me, those who choose to judge me, and those who call me brother, friend, and a kindred spirit remember I am still here and need your support, confidence, words, and prayers.

Thank you for reading.