He was the love of my life💕

Nobody knows where love will take you . You kind of just go with the vibe. Well that’s what I did . November 2011 I met the love of my life . My kids father. When I first met him I was 16 years old . I just got out of a long relationship with a boy I been with for 3 years . It became toxic so I let it go . The best thing I ever did because I found him. One of my old friends oldest cousin had a house party . She invited everybody . Everybody showed up. Who do I see walking through the door with this huge smile on his face with these little perfect teeth ? My kids father . I just knew he was there for me lol. Every time I looked his way he would try and hurry up and look away like he wasn’t looking at me . I kept walking pass him to get his attention. Long story short his friend pookie ( r.i.p to him ) got super drunk so they had to take him home so they all left including him . So Some days went pass and I’m in school and we letting out of school . Everybody walked home from school or took the bus it was nice outside . So me and my friends stopped at a McDonald’s and he was in there sitting down . I saw him in the corner of my eye when I finally got my food and all I kept doing was smiling until I got out the door . He even asked for one of my nuggets but I had butterflies so I just kept walking didn’t even give the man a nugget y’all that’s how nervous I was. Next day I see him again after school and I told his friend I wanted him and I walked off . Then the next day after that His friend walk up to me like “ my homie said he want your number and he be up here to get it when school let out “ I heard that and got nervous. So the bell ring it’s time to let out school he standing at the gate waiting for me . I walked passed him . Lol I think still until this day I suffer from anxiety . The whole time he walking in back of me with his friends I’m still walking in the front with my friends . So he came up to me pulled me away from the crowd and asked me what’s my number I gave it to him . When I went home I was waiting on his call or text I ain’t tell him that though. He finally texted me that night . After that we became close friends . I let him know from the beginning I wasn’t looking for another relationship at the time I just got out of one , and he understood it so he didn’t force anything . You know how you chill with a boy on the first date and they start trynna touch and feel ? He didn’t do none of that . He really took everything slow with me and I loved that about him. Our conversation on the phone would last all night . We would fall to sleep on the phone with each other . I would sneak and spend the night with him on the weekends and the whole time we there we enjoying each other company. Watching movies , listening to music , I’ll watch him play the game , we smoked , we laughed we talked , and when it was time for us to leave each other we both went through separation anxiety lol. I would pick a argument with him while we waiting on the bus for me to go home or I would go through his phone before I would leave his house . Then one day we was on his steps and he asked me why I love him...... Now y’all like I said before being around him I would get butterflies and I think I have anxiety so I kind of got stuck and couldn’t tell him face to face so he thought I didn’t love him for a while . Until I had no other choice to break out that shy stage and I finally told him . Now I’m not saying this relationship was so perfect . Yes we had our up and downs . The cheating , the lies , the arguments, and the fights . But we had more happy days then we had bad days and that’s all that matters . In the beginning it was good , the beginning is always good right ? But them months on down the line was the rockiest. He had a child before we even knew of each other , so yes I had to deal with the baby mama drama . Plus he had other women on the side a.k.a side pieces that was my age and older that didn’t know they place which made our relationship bad because I finally came to realize well if it’s no trust then I’m out . So I left him got in another relationship because I’m 6 hours away from everyone so I started working on building my own family with another guy because I was desperate to find love and be in love and that other guys was giving me just that . Then one day I woke up and stop liking this guy because I came to realize he wasn’t my person . He wasn’t someone I wanted to wake up to everyday . He wasn’t someone I saw in my future . So I broke up with him blocked all his calls blocked him on every social media just so he know it’s over it’s no coming back . Now mind you when I broke up with my kids father the last words he said to me was “ I don’t think we gonna work anyway because I can’t do long distance “ but me being me I brushed it off because what you mean like we got kids together we gotta be in each other lives until they finish college . So I did my thing and I let him do his thing . Okay so I broke up with the guy I was with . And I don’t break up with him because I wanted my kids father back I broke up with him because he wasn’t what I wanted in a guy . And most importantly I been on and off in a relationship with my kids father for going on 8 years I didn’t know how it was to be single . I was going through stuff in my life that I had to deal with by myself and I had to find me again . So I left him for myself to be honest . To love me . Long story short I get a call saying my kids father is in jail 🙄 I’m like okay can’t really be upset about being a single mom I been doing it this long ...... so then I get a letter from him. Now that’s my first lover . This man has taught me everything we been through so much together like that was my best friend before he was boyfriend. He my dairy . Even when we mad at each other we get good news the first person we calling is each other . Yeah this bond is weird but unconditional 🥴😂💕 so I remember reading this letter and it said “ I know i wasn’t the man I was suppose to be when I was out but I’m turning over a new 🍃 and I’m not trying to hold you hostage because I know I’m gonna be in here for a while , but I wanna know if you riding with me through this “ and all I could do is cry . I cried because it was once upon a time I had no train ticket ,no money , and no car and I couldn’t go see him for a couple months or even visit my family and all I wanted was him . I wanted him to be there for me . Call me everyday , Send me good morning text messages, Call and check on the kids but instead he was running the streets got a gf and was going to sleep next to her every night and started a whole new life with this girl and her children and left me and his kids in the cold . But I always believed in the saying “ watch how you do people before you need them again” so I wrote him back and fourth , I put money on the phone to be able to talk to him , and I sent as many pictures up there of me and the kids as I could . Only because if I was in a situation where my freedom was token away from me I would want somebody there for me .