Happy Birthday to me!

It’s a big one,so big in fact can’t quite believe that I’m here. I still feel like the kid I’ve always been, well in some ways.... I’ve only recently thought about the flexibility around who I think I am, and who I seem to be around others...the whole subject is complex and the more I look at it the more stuff comes up to be examined ... now tossed if unhelpful ( and boy is a LOT of it unhelpful) or kept because it’s the core of who I am ... really .So I say like it or lump it .. to all friends, ex friends and acquaintances. I’m trying my best and I don’t THINK I have any enemies....

THE BIG 6-0!!!

So there is considerably less time in front of me than there is behind. How have I done, I wonder with that time? Like most people of my vintage I spent an inordinate amount of time in a job I hated, but maybe I would not have hated it if I’d had a different attitude. Wow, there’s a thought to be having now that my life on this mortal plane is more than half done...

WAXING PHILOSOPHICAL

Attitude adjustment... hmm ..yes but yet again... it’s all very well to say that after the fact but let’s be real... you can only know what you know at the time... and your feelings are actually a fairly good sign post as to what I’d good for YOU the heart of you, and what isn’t. Even this can be confusing too. Ever wanted to something to be a certain way, but knowing deep down it wasn’t going to fly? And sometimes you don’t have the energy to reach a compromise. It might well be that given the time and space you could get there.... but life doesn’t work that way. What I find interesting is that it is far easier to recall, rehash and ruminate over the small thing that went wrong that it is to access the considerable positivity that occurred. Apparently this is a mechanism to keep us safe. But what it is keeping us from is really connecting and from love. Anyway quite a few times in this long life I’ve had to say “missed that by a fraction....”.

EASY LIFE

You can only assume it fell the way it did for the ultimate good..... I realise that’s all very easy for me to say ... I’ve had a pretty charmed life with no major shocks or problems and those that presented themselves can for the most part been seen as instructional lessons. I am aware that basically I have it pretty good. Human nature being what it is... you always seem to hanker after something more or different... that’s folks for you, nothing stranger right?

FORTUNE FAVOURS THE BRAVE

Relationships are the things that affect you as a humans the most dramatically, for good or ill, one must try and be a trustworthy person.. and not dice with one’s own or others mental health. You’re not always going to succeed in these lofty ideals. I mean I haven’t always ...and I haven’t always been on the receiving end of the best treatment either. I guess that makes me no different from all the others who wade into human connections. I do feel that chemistry can be a trick ... but it’s vitality and it’s ability to be resparked... keeps us “alive” in the greater sense than just having a pulse. I have a very safe place to be and am supported in all that I do, my not inconsiderable flaws are openly discussed and forgiven... so that’s a great place to be, particularly as an older woman.

THE NEXT GENERATION

The next generation are at the forefront now.... of course and I am so deeply grateful that I have helped to contribute to three very smart hardworking caring young people. Even if that contribution may to some degree have been giving an example of what NOT to do. Still even that is a contribution and I hope all my kids know they have a place to come ...and say, do or be anything... so long as it’s kind. I think they’ve all got that. I have been reminded that really that’s all we need to be ... it sounds mild but to be kind and to be on the receiving end of kindness, is the best present... birthday or otherwise, to receive.