Demands of an inner YOU.
Coming to an understanding that "This moment is not the rest of my life" has been life changing for me. I remember a time when it was very hard for me to separate "this moment" from the rest of my life. If I was going through a rough patch I would falsely think "This is how it always is and this is how it always will be." If I was going through a time where everything was falling into place (those seem to happen less often than the previous scenario) I would think I had finally arrived, and figured out how to do life and then be completely surprised when the next bad , stressful moment slapped me across my face, I was left thinking, "This will be the rest of my life."
The realisation that this life on earth is not my final destination, and the moments I spend here on earth are just that. Moments. Every moment passes. A new moment takes the place of the previous moment. I began to see those moments as snap shots. A picture in time. Not my entire life. Like waves of the ocean. They make their presents on the shore, but then, they are gone. Some you see coming, others take you by surprise.
So I decided I would spend an hour on myself each day in meditation to relax and go though Cognitive Brain Retraining on myself each day to achieve maxium positive attitude and more balanced bodily relaxation at night, which started slowly to work. I would fall asleep awake feeling in a more relaxed and a positive attitude. I mean let’s face it studying the science of the Bibles can be heavy on the emotions. Return back to when your outlook on life you thoughts were just mere innocent almost untouched by complicated interactions of questionable interaction that complicated the whole process- strip it completely down to innocence and cognitive mental training for an hour in the morning and an hour at night.
"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have “tribulation”. But take heart; I have overcome the world."
I have read this verse dozens of times through my life. But there was one morning that the promise of this verse spoke to my heart. I knew I would have tribulations it’s inevitable, and if I believed that there was something good always keeps His promises, why do I get surprised every single time I stumble over a stone of tribulation on my path? I began looking at trials differently. I expected them to come. I realized the trial was not taking place because I am just horrible at living life. Or because I was a terrible human. If all were happiness, sunshine and roses here on earth, why would I long for a better place? So thats it something has to change !
I decided I needed to spend more time relaxing with Mia and walking an hour with her rather than focusing on making other people happy, as there comes a time when you have to stand up and say ; this is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think , feel the way I feel, love the way I love ! I am a complete package. Take me, leave me, accept me or walk away. Do not try to make me feel like less of a person just because I do not fit your idea of who I should be and don’t try to change me to fit your mould. I will change myself for myself and into who I want to be and feel comfortable in my own skin.
"Be strong and courageous. Do not fear , for it is the Lord your creator who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you."
He will never leave me. He will never forsake me. So, on my darkest day when I feel completely alone, he is right beside me. I came to realize the reason I longed so much for Jehova was because of my trials. The times I felt the hand of my Savior around my shoulders the tightest was when I was struggling the most. I felt his light brighten my path because my way was dark. ( There you see My way was Dark! Why? ) As I looked back over the course of my life, I saw that every trial that came, also passed. Again this I addressed in my meditation and my sleep was returning I was beginning to sleep like a baby yet again.
Rather than just relying on a book put a book to use to pamper yourself, treat yourself ; do more of what makes you happy and the rest will fall into place.
Trials in my life have been like waves of the ocean. Constant, steady. Some gentle and easy to walk through. Others would smack me flat on my face, keeping me down while I struggled to catch my breath. Over the course of the past few years, I have been flat on my face a few times, literally unable to breathe. Hurt so deep it reached my soul. But Yahweh rich in mercy, was present every time I got knocked down. Sometimes He would reach down and pick me up as soon as I fell. Other times He would hold me in His arms, keeping me safe while I was down.
The point is-the pain is real. The emotions are heavy. The hurt is suffocating. BUT the hand of The Creator holds me so tight during every wave that even in the midst of a tormenting trial, I am able to see Him and praise Him. I understand this is just a moment and not the entirety of my life. It will pass. I can be of good cheer. This world is tough, but Christ has already overcome it, so will I .There will come a day where there is no more sorrow and no more tears. I am now looking forward to the future, although I will be classy and reserved about who I spend my time with.