Green Pants

I was heading to Goodwill that day to find an outfit that made me feel powerful. I wanted something that stood out, something colorful, an outfit far outside my standard atttire of Levi’s and a graphic tee. I needed this because later that sweaty afternoon, I was going to meet my girlfriend at the park. There she’d dump me. I wanted to saunter into that park dawning an outfit so flamboyant that my girl would break into one last smile before it was all over. One last time I wanted to see her happy and maybe remind her that it hadn’t always been this bad.

The pants I settled on were forest green and baggy. They were two inches two big around my waist and at least two inches longer than they should’ve been. I found a tacky yellow belt to hold them up. The shirt, in my mind, would be the sails of the outfit doing all the important work. It was a size large, fluorescent pink crew tee with the shadow of a bowler printer large on the belly area. Over the bowler was printed: Simi Valley Bowling Club.

And on the back of the shirt it said: We Don’t Lose.

Additionally, I grabbed the fishing vest from the mannequin in the corner. Pockets are always good to have, and it may throw my girl off enough to get a laugh out of her, I thought. Finding a hat was very important to complete the look. Plus, I didn’t want to get my heart broken with bed head. There weren’t many to choose from at the Goodwill. Just a few kids baseball hats, a sombrero in shambles and a bunch of wide brimmed Pilgrim looking hats in the women’s section. After a few minutes of trying a few of the women’s brimmed hats, I decided on a light brown one with a four inch floppy brim. I looked pretty silly in it.

The whole battle uniform cost me twelve dollars. I wrestled in my Toyota Camry to get dressed in my new gear before leaving Goodwill. That day was grossly warm as it had been for months. My face was red and my armpits wouldn’t stop sweating. The Pilgrim hat was a bit too small for my head and the bowling shirt hung down to my knees when I stood up. The fishing vest fit tight. The green pants looked okay in my opinion.

Noon was the time we’d agreed on. And there she was, early just like me. It was only 11:30 but I her sitting by our tree. The one we’d shared our first kiss under three years earlier. But, my girl wasn’t alone. I could see from the parking lot another person sitting close to her. A man. My heart pounded not knowing what to feel. Robotically I got out of my Camry and started towards them. She looked up first with confusion. Who was the lost drag queen approaching? Then when I was ten feet away from her I saw her realize it was me. And her man simultaneously came to the same realization. My girl didn’t laugh, but the guy did. It was a horrible scene.

No words were exchanged. I left the park listening to the static of the radio while still dressed like a fool. When you finally learn that you’ve been cheated on in a romance, the body goes numb. I drove for hours until I started crying. Then kept driving until I had no more tears.

I still have those green pants and wear them all the time. Now I always buy colorful pants and don’t fall in love with liars.