Goodbye to You

Chaos seems to swarm my life, or so I've noticed. I recently had to let go of a dear best friend, which I will not name. She was a very great friend, at first. Notice that I said "at first." For name sake, we will call her Haley. We felt inseparable as friends, and we felt as if we could take on the world together, or at least I did. I do wish her nothing but the best throughout her future, and I do hope she changes to be a better person. However, I do also hope that she realizes everything she's done wrong.

I am one of those few friends who is very protective. I can't help but be that way seeing how I've been through things I didn't deserve to go through, nor did I want to. But I did, so here we are. I am 25 years old, and have the wisdom similar to a 57 year old woman. I was forced to grow up at a younger age, so my childhood was taken from me in that manner. This is not something I wish on anyone.

However, saying this goodbye to Haley doesn't feel like the end of the world. I read a darling girl's story of her friendship breakup, and indeed she is right when she says, and I quote "they hurt worse than the usual." They do, they hurt terribly worse than losing a partner of love. At the end of the day I have what friends I have left, and the ones I grew back into during the whole situation of what was happening between Haley and I. I was forced to contact people I didn't necessarily want to contact, but she left me no choice. I mean, she was missing for all I knew, she was hurt maybe. She left without a warning, without a trace. I only knew few details, while other, closer friends to her knew none, and were terribly upset.

See, Haley had a thing about her. She didn't like to feel trapped, but she also didn't realize that you can easily be deemed as a fake friend if you didn't bother to tell anyone you had any issue with them. You can't smile in someone's face and expect that title to not come about you. I'm sure there are a few readers who feel the same as I do when I say, I would rather know the truth, no matter how bad it hurts, than for you to lie to my face about everything I thought was real.

It's painful to lose anyone, no matter who they are, no matter how you lose them. It's painful to know that no matter how much love you give to anyone, you don't usually receive the same back. If she is reading this, I want her to know: you broke me, worse than anyone ever has. You shattered the very existence I had in this world, and in the world of feeling as if I was loved and appreciated. You broke my heart and my mind. However, I forgive you. I forgave you the minute I was made to realize that there are better friends for me in this world, and they will find their way to me. Real ones, without having to try. Friends who will appreciate me first, and not abandon me later.

I'm sure your karma will be bad enough, so for that reason I have nothing bad to say about you. She will reap what she sows, and I'll just have to sit back and wait for someone to mention what happens to her in the process of all of this. As I mentioned before, I do hope she becomes a better person. I do hope she realizes that her actions have consequences, and that they may not always be what she prefers. This is goodbye.