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Goodbye to my Home Country

A memoir.

By Jorgelina ZeoliPublished 2 years ago Updated 2 years ago 8 min read
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“Buenos Aires, 1976

Dear Jorgita,

Having attended your organ recital, your uncle and I feel that you deserve the opportunity to study abroad and would be happy to pay for your plane ticket to the United States whenever you are ready to take on this new adventure.

Love,

Aunt Elvira”

~

I didn’t want to study abroad,

I didn’t want to leave Argentina,

I had been uprooted so many times,

my whole being resisted the idea of leaving yet again.

Besides, I had no identity, no sense of self,

I had never been on my own.

In my mid twenties I was still totally dependent on my parents.

~

Buenos Aires - 1977

Organ Competition to play at the Chartres Cathedral. Playing Bach’s Prelude and Fugue in D major, my memory fails and I lose the competition.

“She is the shame of the family,” my father said,

and at that point something broke inside of me,

at that point I decided I would not play organ recitals again.

God: but you did

Jay: I struggled with it for several years and eventually I gave up my recital career

At that point, when my father felt ashamed of me,

I gave up on his love,

I gave up on music,

and my already broken heart closed down one more time to protect itself from further damage .

It was time for me to leave,

it was time to prepare for my trip to the United States of America .

~

Buenos Aires - January 1979

Getting my papers ready for my trip, The American Consulate had misguided me,

my applications to the New England Conservatory of Music wouldn’t meet the deadline

and now Johnny, the Consul’s assistant, was offering to send them through diplomatic courier .

The following week, at the Consulate, I overhear that Johnny is missing .

-Jay?!

-yes?

God: what do you mean Johnny is missing?!

Jay: I mean he’s missing, he’s been kidnapped

God: JOHNNY HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED?!

Jay: Johnny has been kidnapped

~

Poor Johnny, he had been so kind and helpful

and now, like so many others under the military regime, he had disappeared and so had my applications to the conservatory.

God: your applications were gone?!

Jay: my applications were gone

God: gee Jay

Jay: you can say that again

God: so what did you do?!

I asked to speak to the Consul but the Consul wouldn’t receive anyone.

God: so what did you do?! what did you do?!

I rolled up my sleeves ...

-Jay?

- yes?

God: what are you doing?

Jay: I’m rolling up my sleeves , you knucklehead

God: what sleeves? you are wearing a yellow summer dress

Jay: yeah, so?

My mother had taught me that I should never let anything stop me.

God: well good for her

Jay: can’t talk right now, my sleeves are up

There was tension in the air,

a diplomat had been murdered,

the flag at the Embassy was half mast.

God: so what happened? what happened?!

I walked straight to the big men with weapons at the security desk and said: I WANT TO SPEAK TO THE AMBASSADOR.

God: wow, just like that?

Jay: just like that

God: and then?!

Jay: they put me on the phone

God: THEY PUT YOU ON THE PHONE WITH THE AMBASSADOR?!

Jay: oh, my God! oh, my God!

God: yes?

Jay: how am I going to talk to the Ambassador?! I don’t speak a word of English!

God: not to worry, my little yellow bug, you’ll be just fine

Jay: what do you mean “my little yellow bug”?! I’M NOT A BUG, OK?

God: ok

Jay: and you should be quiet, don’t you see I’m on the phone?

God: gee Jay, you sound stressed out

Jay: I SOUND STRESSED OUT???

God: calm down, little one, and speak into the receiver

Jay: ok

... and I told the story of my applications to a secretary

who transferred me to another one

and another one

and another one

and then I heard the magical words:

“The Ambassador has given the order for the Consul to receive you.”

God: THE AMBASSADOR HAS GIVEN THE ORDER?!

Jay: yup

God: YOU DID IT, MY LITTLE YELLOW BUG!

Jay: will you stop that?? JUST STOP THAT.

God: ok

... and the Consul received me, and I got my applications back from Johnny’s office,

too late to meet the Conservatory’s deadline .

-Jay?

-yes?

God: cheer up, will you?

Jay: yeah yeah

~

Ernesto, a relative of my brother in law , was at the time the President of the Gillette Company in Argentina and had offered his support without ever having met me.

“One of my employees is flying to the States, Jorgelina, " he said. "He will bring your applications to the Conservatory. Meet him tomorrow at the airport.”

~

The next morning our giant friend and housemate Marcos drove me and my big envelope to the airport in our old Citroen.

First the sun was out ,

then the sun wasn’t out anymore,

then the door fell off

God: the door fell off?!

Jay: the door fell off and there was no time to fix it

God: Holy Cow!

Jay: you can say that again

... so Marcos drove with his knee and one hand holding the broken door with the other hand ,

then strong winds came,

and a storm,

and a hurricane ,

but no hurricane would stop us

and we made it to the airport just in time to deliver my applications .

A few days later Ernesto sees a memo on his desk:

“Unable to deliver Jorgelina’s applications due to severe snow storms in New York”

-GOD?

-yes?

Jay: will you stop sending storms my way?!

God (whining): I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!

Jay: well maybe that’s the problem right there

God: aren’t we cranky today

Jay: well, wouldn’t you?

God: me? cranky?

Jay: oh shush

~

Buenos Aires – January 1979

“Is there anything else you need?” Ernesto asked,

“I need to record my audition tape for the Conservatory but I can’t get a recording studio to do it!” I said in desperation,

and he said: “Call our Publicity Department and ask for anything you need; they will be waiting for your call.”

And that’s how my audition tape for the New England Conservatory of Music was recorded.

God: nothing like a solid friend, huh?

Jay: nothing like a solid friend

~

Jorgelina’s recording session.

-hey, Jay?

-yes?

God: what’s with the glass of water on the organ console?

Jay: that was whiskey

God: THAT WAS WHISKEY?!

Jay: yup

God: I thought you didn’t drink!

Jay: I didn’t, I don’t, but that night I did

At that recording session I played and played and played...

God: and drank whiskey

Jay: you be quiet

I played one piece after the other ,

after the other.

I had only one evening to do the recording and I was plain depleted by all the events of the last days and weeks and months and years.

There was no time to stop and play a piece again ,

there was no time to have a good night’s sleep and play better the next day,

there was no time to breathe, for there was yet another deadline to meet ,

so I just played and played

and played

God: and you did it, little one

Yes. I did it.

~

Weeks later, a letter arrived.

I had been accepted with a scholarship at The New England Conservatory of Music.

My sister offered a dinner at her home ,

my father read the acceptance letter with pride,

it was time to celebrate ...

it was also time to say goodbye to my friends ,

to my family ,

to my country...

~

Leaving Argentina...

it broke my heart,

it also set me free .

God: it did?

Jay: well not really

God: it didn’t?

Jay: taking a plane doesn’t set you free

God: how come?

Jay: you bring your spiderwebs with you no matter where you go

God: but it helped to leave that environment

Jay: yes, it helped to leave that environment

~

U.S.A, HERE I COME!

Jay: hurry up will you? we are going to miss the flight

God: I’m coming! I’m coming! I don’t want to miss the boat

~

Leaving Argentina...

separated from everyone I love not knowing where I’m going...

it had happened so many times before and now it was happening again...

~

Massachusetts - 2007

“Home is very important for you, Jorgelina,” my therapist says,

“home is when I’m writing,

home is making music...” I say

and I drift away...

“home is in the wind... home is in the wind...”

~

Lying down on my bed

listening to the wind outside my window

my soul whispers … “home is in the wind...”

I want to go home ... I want to go home ...

~

Driving to therapy on a sunny morning

tears fill my eyes

moved by the beauty of the trees on the sides of the road .

I want to zoom out of this body of mine,

I want to merge into the wind ,

I want to merge into the trees,

I want to merge into the universe ...

only then will I finally be home ...

~~~

(Excerpts from "Argentina, Flashback Part Two" and "The Immigrant, Flashback Part Three", Dawn of the Broken Heart Volume One.)

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About the Creator

Jorgelina Zeoli

Jorgelina Zeoli is a former recital organist and teaches singing and Tai Chi. Her memoirs, films and songs focus on personal growth and the healing of her inner child. She incorporates humor, poetry and art. She resides in the USA.

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