I believe a lot of us grudge on the awful and negative things that has happened to us and for me that was when I ended up in an abusive relationship; physically, emotionally and verbally. Due to this relationship I had lost my confidence in myself, I questioned my value and the person that I am. I had been grudging on this certain chapter in my life as it was one of the most soul damaging and identity breaking I felt at the time, I no longer believed I deserved to be happy and I started to believe that I deserved to be unhappy and be mistreated. I have never tried to love the hardest and yet be awfully treated at the same time, it was a very toxic relationship and there was no partnership at all I have come to realised.
It is only recently that I have learned that I need to forgive myself, forgive that person and forgive that situation in order to be present and be able to savour and enjoy my present moment. I no longer feel I have to be skinny to be beautiful and I am free to just be me. After forgiving myself and everything that I went through in that season, I have come to be at home and be at peace with myself, to learn to love myself always first, before anyone else, in order that I may share love to others.
Yes, that experience was not easy nor was it pleasant or healthy to choose to stay in an abusive relationship but in all that I did find myself. I found love for myself and value for myself and so now I can confidently be in my present and know that I am no longer holding on to hard feelings of the past, which had weighed me down, but be present and ecstatic for the future.
I found value in myself for the strong heart that I have received through that trial and tribulation and I have confidence that I know who ever rejects me will not define me because what is more valuable is what I say and think about myself.
I am more kind and joyful with myself and at peace with my current situation. I am able to say thank you past for the lesson of strength, dignity and self value and hello future for all that you may bring!
Thank you for reading and hearing a piece of my story.
Light & Love,
Joy.xo
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