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Gift Exchange with Your Love

Are there guidelines?

By Kari CadrettePublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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Are the gift giving holidays causing inner turmoil about what is proper etiquette between your partner and yourself? What do you give your partner when he or she does not clearly tell you what he or she wants? Should you repeatedly ask until your partner answers? If your partner must know about the gift, do you give it early? Who really writes the rules on this stuff?

My fiancé and I have been together for 4-5 years. I have 2 little girls from previous relationships. My younger daughter calls him “Daddy.” We will be married in August 2018. Every time I want to buy him presents for Christmas or his birthday, I run into the same questions repeatedly. This year is exceptionally hard because we have been living together for a year and a half. With Christmas almost 2 weeks away, I am struggling on what to get him. It only dawned on me 4 days ago that he needed a shaver for his hair. He apparently had been hinting that for a while, but more so when he asked me to help find any hairs he may have missed while using his current shaver. It was broken. This was after I thought I was done buying him his gifts (which I stressed over and lost many hours of sleep). Needless to say, I ordered him the shaver he needed while he was sleeping next to me in the bed. But I then stress, “Is it the right one?” Or “Will he like it?” Or “What if it breaks after one use?”

I know he sometimes stresses over presents for me. But I tell him to just visit a friend of mine who is an artist at a local tattoo shop to get me a gift certificate for my next tattoo. Of course, he would not go to the shop alone, so I went with him. We just scheduled the appointment while I was there so the added money bonus the gift certificate would be worth did not go to waste. Obviously, I know what he is giving me for Christmas, and I am technically getting my gift early because my appointment is before Christmas. You see, I don’t want gifts that will end up broken by my girls, lost, or just forgotten about and end up cluttering the house. If items end up as clutter, I hesitate to get rid of them because he gave the items to me. I feel bad, and do not want him to feel like a failure.

In writing this I realized that I left out anniversary gifts. I have been in four serious relationships in my life. Two of those relationships gave me my little girls. My fiancé is my fourth, and hopefully last relationship. This is my first relationship where we have not celebrated anniversaries. It did not dawn on either of us that our first-year anniversary had come and gone until a week after! Usually I am a stickler for those types of things. But I do not have to be with him. I did not need a from him showing how much he appreciates me EXACTLY 1 year after we started officially dating. If he wanted to give me anything, it was to do my dishes, help with my laundry, or even give my car an oil change. Each year our anniversary has come and gone, and no gift. Just an extra kiss with some extra special cuddle time. That is more important to us than a trinket that one of us will most likely lose within three months.

The bottom line is, I love this man so much that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. So, this means many more Christmas and birthday presents to stress over for years to come. Everyone says, “It doesn’t matter what you give because you love him, and he loves you.” It’s not about the gifts. It’s about the love. It’s the little things that count in life. It is not about what you buy your partner for Christmas or birthday. The fact is that you cared enough to go out of your way, or in some relationships remember to buy something.

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About the Creator

Kari Cadrette

I have 2 beautiful daughters. I am also a Pre-K teacher. I love reading, writing, playing the flute, and singing. I love hanging out with my girls and coaching soccer.

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