Getting over the narcissist.

When you're right in the midst of their grasp you feel like there's no way out.

You swear you can't bear the blame and emotional torture for another day and yet you feel sick to your stomach walking away from this person for good. Even all the failed attempts of leaving before he would come crawling back and hated to lose all control over you, killing you with promises of change.

You lose a little piece of yourself with every second chance you continue to give. Your friends beg and plead with you to see your worth but at this point you have shrunk yourself to be so small for him you barely recognise yourself. Years are wasted and your shattered heart is convinced he’s the only solace you will find.

When will this vicious cycle ever come to an end? How many more years will be spent trying to prove yourself to someone who will always be blind to you?

Then one day it finally happens and there’s a shift. You’re met with another one of his infamous conversations about it being over but this time the shift is in you, brave girl. The light he dimmed slowly comes back with one last spark of courage. And when his plea’s to see you again re-emerge like clockwork, this time you feel stronger.

This time is different, this time you finally believe right down to your bones; with a heart like yours you deserve so much more.

You gave this man everything and it was never enough. You would have run to the ends of the earth for him and all he could give you in return was cruel confusion.

It wasn’t your fault even though he liked you to believe it was.

You never deserved to be punished for your feelings, they were always valid.

You were always valid.

His false promises and ignorance drown out your words for the final time - you’re done.

It is at this point life truly begins to open up for you. The heartache and pain will lead you to find what you really needed all along - you.

You have to heal and you have to forgive yourself. This path may be uncomfortable at times but I promise it will be the most vital and beautiful journey you will ever go on.

All you’ve ever known is how to give, give to everyone except yourself. You deserve freedom, you deserve peace and you deserve everything you’ve got. As soon as you start to believe it, your whole life will change.

With finding yourself and finding acceptance you will come to learn that this was never love at all. Love is not painful, his version of “love” was a lie but there is a reason he crossed your path. However painful the lesson, you’ll be grateful for what it teaches you about who you are. Never again will you believe you are asking for “too much”, you deserve everything this world and beyond has waiting for you.

This might be hard to think about now, the idea of being vulnerable again for love but eventually your day will come. Someone will really see you.

Someone who loves and appreciates you for everything you are, as if they have known and loved you in lifetimes before this. There’s no being small, there’s only being yourself. Your souls will intertwine and flow so effortlessly together you will doubt you’ve ever really known love before at all. And more importantly, you’ll be thankful you didn’t.

So I say to you now, keep hope steady in your heart.

The love you deserve has been inside you this entire time.

You’re already home.