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by xiaohu 2 months ago in divorce
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Researchers study certain migratory birds. The female stays in her nest every day and never goes out for food. There are seven males who continually offer food to the female.


Objectively speaking, he is a good man and treats me well. He does all the cooking and cleaning and his income is higher than mine. He had no children and did not intend to have any. But now the situation is that two people will quarrel whenever they meet, as long as they do things together, from cleaning up the house to going out to play, to making important life decisions. What's more, I think I have different demands on life from him. When I drag him to lose weight, work out and travel, he feels that he is humoring me, accompanying me and all kinds of grievances. The problem is he's overweight, he's in poor health and he has chronic diseases, and he doesn't study. Now I realize that education and knowledge are also very important to marriage. Now I want a divorce. Two people together is torture. I know divorce is not the best way to solve the problem, and in a small county, this kind of thing affects me. But I have been trying so hard for so many years, read a lot of psychological books about marriage, still can't solve it. I have no plans to remarry even if I get divorced. I think maybe I have too high a requirement for marriage. I'd better live on my own. Can you give me some advice? What the hell are we gonna do? Leave or leave, this is really a problem!


I've been asking this question for over a year. He and I are not divorced. Although we are growing apart, I have convinced myself to accept his status. He began to give up smoking and become a vegetarian, and gradually accepted some of my views, such as: physical health will affect the quality of life, people should be down-to-earth to do more things, do not opportunistically. I still feel that a person's life will be better, but it is not all bad when we are together, this man loves me very much, midnight will cover the quilt, how I quarrel with him, he coax, do all the housework, yes, my income has exceeded him now, which caused a little pressure to him. I ALSO DO NOT KNOW I AND HE WILL DIVORCE, BUT NOW I gradually convince myself, by a person so love to accept it, middle-aged women which have so much erotic fantasy, as lower the head to do something to come to reality.

2016 10 5

The divorce had been a month, and the split was amicable. Both of them cried bitterly at the farewell party. He takes care of me a lot and gives me more money. There are still feelings, even if the divorce, I am busy when he will bring me food, but I refused cold hard. Now that we're divorced, it's hard to keep him from taking care of me. I have an opening tomorrow, and I think I'll be out by the end of the year. Thinking of leaving this marriage is still very sad, feel no one so dig out the heart and lungs to me good! But I had to harden my heart and go on, feeling very tired. Looking back at my marriage with him, poor communication is the main problem, and my low emotional intelligence is also the main reason. I am too insecure, even though he loves me very much, he can't make me feel at ease. I hope he can have a new life and find a good feeling again. I feel that I hurt him and can only say to him here: I'm sorry!

July 6, 2017

It's been almost a year since my divorce, and I'm getting over the failure of my marriage. Both life and work began to be stable, once in the marriage trouble to squeeze their own part-time money, after the divorce is all the energy and time into the work. At one point, he was making more than him. But now I gradually slow down, think don't push yourself too hard, enough money is good, have a job, don't have a rest. Just now occasionally feel very guilty, originally two people agreed to accompany life, did not think I changed my mind halfway. This marriage hurt him a lot, I said to introduce his girlfriend he did not see, I hope as time goes by, he will be happy. Maybe I feel guilty because I'm having a better time.

On August 27, 2017

It will be the first anniversary of our divorce in September. When my parents come back occasionally, they still live in his home. They don't know about my divorce. Tomorrow is Tanabata, about lunch together, is purely two no one to accompany people to relieve boredom, very grateful for his care and company. Now the relationship between me and him is closer to relatives, without love, but after divorce, the harvest of affection, it is really quite strange thing. He doesn't have a girlfriend yet. I hope he will meet someone soon. I have no intention of marriage, feelings also hold dispensable attitude. I like my life right now. It's free. I am very lucky to meet him. Although separated, I have been loved by him, which is enough. 20171006 Thanks to my friend, he basically explained all the reasons for my divorce. Some friends criticize me for my dissatisfaction, but I want a marriage that needs more than trivial daily life. I know that he can't give it to me, nor can others. Only I can give it to myself. Maybe what I want is different from others. I don't want to force everyone to understand, nor do I want to explain too much. After all, life is my own, and no matter how much I explain, I have to live my own life. I have now entered a new emotional relationship, in the face of this feeling is also very rational, and the principle of the agreement with the other side is not to live together, do not involve marriage, my emotional and physiological needs to a place, the other side to me very good, very secure. I like this kind of life, talk about love, sleep together once in a while, why should always be together putty crooked. But I need to explain that I am not self-reliant. I have always had problems with my parents, and I am sensitive by nature, so this is the result. I still hope girls someone spoil someone pain, even if the marriage trivial, but plain content. Son non fish, Ann know the happiness of fish, to your marriage, but also to single us.


Another year has passed, read everyone's answers, everyone has their own interpretation of feelings and marriage, so in the face of my situation, there are resentful people, admire have also have, harsh anger is also many. However, praise me I really appreciate, criticism of me, I pretend to accept. In any case, this life is so fast, you can leave a piece of words, all need time, thank you!

Let me tell you about my recent situation. My ex-husband and I are still very good friends. We have dinner together occasionally. I still think he's someone I can trust, and I think he trusts me, too. My new relationship is going well, I hope we can go a little longer, but I still don't like living together, I still think it's better to go back to each other, of course, occasionally stay at his or my home is acceptable. Still do not want to have a child, the other party wants me to have a child, always worried that if he goes, left me no one to take care of me, I hope I gave birth to a child, children take care of me in the future. Flatly refuse such an idea, so much bully child! My ex-husband also knew my feelings, gradually accept, he seems to have a new feelings, but more avoid me. I'm still trying to convince him to have a baby.

I don't feel bad about the divorce anymore. I feel like I've moved on. In the past few years in their own efforts, no matter the work or income has been greatly improved, a few days ago and bought a new house, and to buy some security, or feel quite happy. Both he and I have chosen the life they like, passive or active. Now he and I are happier than before, I think, regardless of marriage and divorce, as long as we try our best to make their own days well!

September 2, 2019

Some girl asked me about my marriage in a private message, and made me re-read my own question. I didn't think another year would go by. The older you get, the more time flies. Read a lot of friends' answers, thank you for your opinions, of course, I am still the stubborn person, like to live according to their own ideas.

Let me talk about my recent situation: From last year to this year, I made a big adjustment in my job and no longer work part-time. The income of my part-time job was three or four times that of my own job. Although I made money, I was too tired. Moreover, because of the correlation between my part-time job and my regular job, I was criticized by the leaders and colleagues in my unit. But people like me, who are always busy, are now being dragged along by my lover to work in his shop. I hope I can accumulate some work experience and have the opportunity to go to a bigger city with him in the future.


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