Genesis #1-Bound by Hate

Time is coming around again, the fall leaves are in full force. The winds that blow colder sending a chill through those who want to weather it. As the creatures instinctually prepare to slow down and start reading for the cold winter, using all their energy to save their feasts either as extra fat or in their nests, that pull to survive cuts through the cold. This time of year reminds me of the past that is behind my thoughts of a friend I used to spend these times with. Coming by his house driving up to the back porch getting waived in by a skinny form in a baggie worn. Miami Dolphins hoodie billows of cigarette smoke and Hot breath hitting frosty air. A rocks glass full of an iceless rum and Pepsi. Watching a day full of football action cheering and uttering obscenities at the tv like it's an actual living being playing with our emotions. Such a chill time and back not having to prove anything to each other just being, existing in a friendship so easy it was second nature. That seems like an eternity ago. The bridge we burned is all but smoldering now. We both fed the flames of animosity with what we each thought was an immutable truth. We let ”our truth” take precedence over our childhood, our twenties and our adult histories. So many memories set ablaze and all but forgotten through the haze and division of our ideas. Its crazy we were friends because we had so much in common a within a few heated arguments best friends were set ablaze and enemies rose from the ashes. All the time spent not even considering a future without the other now I don't know how there could ever be a time when we would ever speak again. Sometimes try to see a glimpse into his life through social media, mutual friends, and extended family. I'm not sure what one thing was the breaking point but after things were said that we're brought out, hateful things neither of us would've dredged up somehow we're unearthed and couldn't be buried again. Our race was never even a thought in our lives, now somehow the most important thing, issues that im sure we agreed on, now molehills turned into glacial, seemingly indefensible mountains.

I heard his mom died from this virus and I thought about calling him, but assumed he wouldn't answer the call so I didn't. It wasn't so long ago, like the blink of an eye I’d walk from my house a few miles to his his mom would make us sandwiches with veggie sticks, which he wouldn't eat because he hated vegetables, such a weird kid hated soda with ice, which I never understood. His dad and mine went to grade school together, it's incredible how ingrained in each others lives we were. I remember meeting one of the many crazy girlfriends he had, so many it felt like bring crazy was a criteria for dating them.

In a few days so many people ripped apart by people we don't know with be voting to change a reality they've built in their heads I hope by then. the reasons we aren't longer brothers may be changed by millions but what was lost will probably be lost forever and im not exactly sure now why we got here. I feel like these past few years were bittersweet. I made lunch the other day and nothing tasted right everything made me nauseous its been this way for days now and. These chills at night keep me wide awake the lack of sleep makes going to work feel so much harder than it should. I'm afraid to go to the Doctor but the body aches are making it harder and harder not to get checked out.

The night seems to be getting shorter with this time change and I don't mind it. I think it's time to start taking more action, I called the Doctor this morning, I'm going to get checked out in he morning but tonight i’m going to call Sean, I hope he picks up the phone.

I miss you, Bro.