Generational Muteness

“Yes! You’re supposed to stay silent and ignore it. It keeps the family together.” Words from my dear grandmother when I told her that my parents expect me to stay quiet and ignore all the lies that are being told. I can see where she comes from, yet it seems like we are taught to be uncomfortable for one person to be comfortable. I hate it when everyone seems to know the problem, but nobody wants to point it out. My family acts like the awkwardness started because I opened my mouth. The awkwardness was already there. I’ve noticed this in others as well.

Vera had an uncle, Kyle, who had a drinking problem and was known to experiment with drugs as well. Nobody really did anything. Once her father, Ethan, spoke about it, but it only upset his mother, Sloane. It never got brought up again. He would hear stories about how Kyle would help pay the bills. They admitted that they took it out of his paycheck. Kyle worked with his dad, Silas. He mostly napped in the truck and only did one task a day. He was supposed to help with the entire job, yet Silas didn’t want to upset Kyle by making him do more work. Sloane constantly talked about Kyle and how well he was doing, while the family mostly witnessed the opposite. It seemed that Sloane and Silas were the sole witnesses to his success. Ethan might have pointed out that he didn’t show up to work or his tardiness, but instead accepted their fairy-tale stories. He was no longer reacting to the issue; he instead accepted the stories as Sloane told them.

David, being the baby of the family, was spoiled rotten as a child, and it followed into adulthood. His mother, Grace, paints a picture of him being like his father, Ethan. Growing up, Ethan wasn’t someone you pushed around or took advantage of. Grace described her husband as “manly”. David, however, was the opposite of that. Grace would look for opportunities to prove that David was just like his dad. During a family get-together, his sister, Raven, once told everyone about how in high school, two girls attempted to jump her in the bathroom. Luckily, she was strong enough to take them both on. She went into detail about stuffing one girl’s head in the toilet she recently used, while the other slipped out of her grasp. She found out later that she was nicknamed “The Monster”. Everyone appeared impressed with Raven. Grace suddenly blurted out for David to tell a story about one of his fights in the bathroom. His exact words were: When I was in high school, I followed this guy to the bathroom and locked the door. I punched him in the face, and the rest I can’t tell you. It’s inappropriate.

The mood went from impressive to awkward silence. David’s other older sister, Vera, asked how it was more inappropriate than Raven stuffing a girl’s head in a toilet full of pee. Raven pushed for more information as well. Once David started being questioned, Grace began to change the subject. When the night was over, Raven claimed she wanted to call him out but knew their mother would only be upset. Vera felt the same.

In Vera’s family, if you are a “1st Born” child, then you are the favorite to their grandparents, Sloane and Silas. Precious, being the firstborn of Vera’s uncle Kyle, received special treatment and even convinced her grandparents to adopt her. It was the same for Elda, being the oldest out of Vera’s siblings, except that Elda didn’t try to be adopted out. One day, while Vera, Raven, and Precious were playing on the computer, Precious told Raven she could hit her, but Raven was not allowed to hit her back, and if she did, she would get in trouble. Vera remained silent throughout the interaction. It played out with Precious doing a gentle poke on Raven’s arm, and Raven did the same to her. Precious yelled out and ran to Silas, claiming that Raven had hit her hard. Silas began yelling at Raven, but Vera did the unexpected. She stood ahead of her sister and yelled back for the first time in her life. This was an everyday thing for her, but it would not be for Raven. At the time, being a child meant it was seen as very disrespectful. Elda got involved, but it didn’t matter. Vera spoke the truth and took Raven to their room. Precious never attempted to get her cousins in trouble again.

Every action has a consequence. It could be good, or it could come at a cost. When Vera took a stand for Raven, she was labeled as disrespectful and dramatic. If she remained quiet, then Precious’s next victim was most likely Raven. Silas would have yelled at Raven, and the situation most likely would have continued as normal afterward. Vera held Precious accountable and took Raven to their room. After that, there were no further attempts from Precious. It only created temporary discomfort.

Silence appears inherited. I wonder, are you too busy being uncomfortable to make one person comfortable? It’s exhausting.