From Rags to Riches

As the old saying goes, "When you know, you know".

I never understood that. I couldn't understand that. I was never in a position to understand that.

I never had that gut feeling, that instinctual approval, for a person. I just fought like hell for the first person who showed the smallest interest in me. My first relationship felt all kinds of right because we clicked. But clicking well does nothing if that chemistry isn't the right kind of chemistry, friends.

I learned that very quickly yet I still stuck with it for four years because I'm too stubborn to let the world be right. The heart wants what it wants after all. But it turns out that even the heart can't want what it doesn't need forever.

I suppose I didn't need another person. But after years of being alone, rejected, hurt, used... finding the right one was a pleasant surprise. It came as a bit of a shock and certainly made me question some things though. When we met, I was more than hesitant. I almost turned him down because of the most minor things that had absolutely no bearing on our chemistry.

Our first date was 8 hours long. 8 hours that passed like 10 minutes. At a park with some boba.

I can't speak for everyone, but I've never had a first date that flowed so seamlessly with time passing like a steady waterfall. No awkwardness, no weird silences, no uncomfortable moments. Just pure chemistry.

But my first relationship felt like that too and all I learned from it was that friendship chemistry can feel like romantic chemistry when you're an inexperienced idiot bumbling through the dating world. Naturally, I questioned that chemistry quite a bit at first. It took several dates over several weeks before I decided that maybe I did actually like him like that.

And then he hit me with the distance question because he was waiting to hear back about a job offer across the country, 3,000 miles away. My dumb ass agreed to it like, yeah I'm cool with a 3,000 mile long-distance relationship. Again. Even though all I really wanted was a "normal" relationship.

Well, guess who ended up doing the moving? Me. I moved out of state for a job. And you know what? He followed me.

He followed me.

He makes times for me. He listens to me. He communicates with me when there are problems. He isn't afraid of serious talks. He is willing to put the work in. He notices when things aren't quite right. He takes initiative around the house. He is work oriented and career driven. He wants the same things I do. He is intelligent and well spoken. He’s funny. He is everything I could have ever wanted.

I look at him a lot. Just look. I tell him I’m admiring the view but I'm just frequently in awe of how lucky I am that he found me. Of all the things that had to align for us to come across one another. Of the chances of someone like him being interested in someone like me, wanting me, loving me.

The last person I was involved with used me, took advantage of me, mistreated me. He wasn't abusive, not physically, but he was manipulative. He popped in and out whenever it was convenient for him. I was just a sex object for him. I couldn't see that for myself at the time. Everyone told me, everyone. Not a single soul was supportive of my relationship with him. Using the term relationship extremely loosely of course.

I can't say I've had a whole string of unhealthy relationships, but after two very different kinds of unhealthy relationships in a row, a healthy one feels weird. I love it. It's different, in a good way. In a great way.

The last person I was with ghosted me. Twice. The first time, I took it like it was the end of the world and I struggled immensely to move past him for over a year. Until he reappeared so nonchalantly and screwed me over. Again. But when he slammed the door in my face a second time, I had no problems turning and walking away.

I met the most amazing man not too long after that. I guess it’s true what they say:

What’s meant to be will be.

Everything happens for a reason.

The trash will take itself out.

The right one will come when you’re not looking for him.

That last one always bothered me the most. I never felt like I was desperate, even when I was actively using every single dating app simultaneously. I never felt like the men I met had to be perfect right off the bat. I never felt like my standards were out of this world. I never felt like I was going against the flow when it came to dating. I was never in a rush to get serious with someone after a first date. Yet somehow this one idea that not looking, not expecting, would lead me to the right person so quickly was always there to haunt me because it never happened for me no matter how non-seriously I took dating.

And then it happened. The trash took itself out. I opened my eyes. I may have even stopped caring altogether. And within maybe a month or two my whole world just began to fall together.

This amazing man walked into my life. We had a perfect first date. He was too shy to even try holding my hand until the end of our second date. Our first kiss was on New Years, but not at midnight because neither of us knew how to initiate without being awkward. Two months later I moved out of state and we did long distance. We visited each other every weekend. And three months after that, he was hired by the same company and we moved in together.

Now, another two months later, I’m sitting on my couch with his dog curled up next to me watching him make breakfast in our home as I write this and I couldn’t be happier with where my life has taken me.

So maybe patience isn’t my strong suit. It never has been. But when they tell you to let the trash take itself out, let it. It will. And when they tell you to be patient because love will find you, be patient. Because it will find you.

Take it from your friendly neighborhood idiot bumbling through the dating world. If it can happen for me, I know it can happen for you too. Trust those in your life who know you best. They know your worth and they know from experience that someone else can and will love you.