Friends

Friends are the best. And, from our first young social interactions we make them, we love them, and we try to keep them close by but this is not always what life has in store.

Like the shifting sands of time friends move into and through your life and then for whatever reason they move on. It can be for various reasons such as moving interstate, or overseas, or even marrying someone they dearly love but whom you find you are quite incompatible with. There seem to be many logical, explainable and varied reasons for the subsequent loss of the joy, laughter and the intimacy you once shared.

Through the lens of time I assume, no understand, that you can have friends who love you and then leave you, disappear out of your life for no apparent reason. Sadness reigns for some time that is true, and then disappointment lingers as you set about trying to get to the bottom of the whys and wherefores. You love them and as far you can fathom you have “done them no wrong”; (I am sure I have heard those words somewhere in a Country and Western song!) but the inevitable has happened. And sometimes the pain of loss is so strong it can feel like a divorce.

Friends are so important because we don’t always have the joy of finding friendship within the confines of our close families. Sad but true. I am so lucky in this respect as I can count family members as being amongst my closest and dearest friends.

I also have beautiful friendships that date right back to kindergarten… friendships that just pick up where they left off months or even years ago. And more recent friendships that are just as beautiful and special. Friendships that commenced only after we relocated to a new city, when I was in my teens and early twenties.

So it is with sadness that I sometimes try to understand what I did to really upset the de-friended people whom I used to count on as friends; where they just plain ignore me or on one occasion were outright rude to me. Although I am happy to say in the grand scheme of things, being ignored is better than ignorant rudeness.

In essence I suppose I am looking for answers to questions that are never going to be answered. My only theory regarding these two women is that as a single teenager and as part of a very happy, social group that included my twin brother, I went out at one point for short periods of time with two of the young men who then went on to marry these two lovely young women. Women who I had thought of as friends, but in actuality they were not. I was happy in these young men’s company but I was neither ready for a long term nor intimate relationship. So here I stop with the theories and wonder what was said by these chaps to their respective spouses re. these young friendships! Enough I wonder to kill any kindnesses towards me? But why? Did they in fact embroider and lie as sometimes young men do to effect self aggrandisement? Or maybe they were just either bitches, self absorbed or plain uncaring. Who would know?

I chose to marry a chap who was a good friend of my twin brother and who came from another country, an exotic liaison you might say. I loved him, he loved me — end of story. Unfortunately it didn’t work out and he went home leaving me with no money and two children — aged 6 years and 5months respectively — to raise. Luckily my family stepped up with both emotional and loving support. In fact opened champagne to toast my big step into a new, and frightening world.

But in actual fact no one from this close knit group actually asked me what happened to our romantic liaison and why it crashed so spectacularly! I suppose as this group of friends mainly centered around the males of the species there was no real reason to make contact; rather they probably saw their individual roles as providing loyal support to their initial friend. Fair enough.

But then there was even more fall-out. I invited a charming girlfriend to our wedding but she at the time was going out with a chap I had an issue with. My then fiancé used to play football on the same team as this fellow and as such he felt himself entitled to make somewhat intrusive and hurtful remarks to me when my fiancé was not around. So as my fiancé appeared to come from a wealthy family this fellow took upon himself to ask me whether was I marrying for his non-existent money! An interesting thought process as my mother held 90% of the purse strings for this huge event. The result was I requested this lovely girl not to bring her very rude boy friend to our wedding; just attend by herself or to bring someone else. She did not attend. End of friendship! I wonder if I should have given her the reason I didn’t invite her boyfriend or should I have been bigger and ignored his rudeness? Sad really.

Friendships are something to be nurtured and cared for. So it is with understanding that although these sadness's happened many moons ago, certain incidents can haunt you over the years and time can then be spent pondering the how's and why’s. I even wonder what my contribution was to the outcomes, although in the above instance it was obvious that I hurt someone’s feelings, and for this I am sorry. But life moves on as it should and we all mature and grow emotionally. Hopefully.

However as I now always try to love and nurture all my beautiful friends life is rich and I am happy. And a jolly good thing that is!

a.a.gallagher

c/right 2021

a. a.gallagher

Thank you for following me. I write poetry about the environment, climate change, and fun nonsense rhymes plus essays on life and living.

Friends

Life Lessons

Mindfulness