Humans logo

Frayfarers

by Anthi Psomiadou 3 months ago in friendship

A letter to my best friend

Photo source: pixy.org

Dear Eftychia,

Yesterday, I was in the waiting room of a dentist, observing the way he chose to decorate it. He has a thing with the number "2". He likes creating pairs. Two identical small tables, each with the same vase on it and with the same chair beside. Each vase had the same flower in it. The bottom shelf of each table, had a stack of magazines perfectly aligned, with not a single angle to protrude.

So, I was staring at a wall, with things symmetrically placed, as if somebody was preparing one of those magazine photo shootings of totally unnatural and warm-less houses that very rich people usually present as their homes.

In the center of the room, two other twin tables were put together, with just a candlestick on each. The candles -of course- were never been lit, because this way, their "perfect" image would have been damaged.

Two same sofas of dark brown color were also placed in the center. I was sitting on one of them, having -on my left-hand side- two same bookshelves on the wall, with lined book stacks on them.

After my automatic reaction of trying to identify and analyze the man who made those decorating choices, my gaze stood on the two candles in front of me. And there, in the middle of that standardized environment, an untypical and more freely shaped thought came up. Those candles can be seen as things standing apart from each other, being divided, but if you change your perspective, those same candles become two independent light holders, with the freedom to unite their two flames into one, whenever life has a reason for bringing them close.

To me, this is also a true friendship.

People usually call some of their interdependent and illiberal relationships, "friendships". The typical friendship style, demands -among other things- daily communication -written and/or oral- by telephone, exchange of information through social media, and frequent meetings for coffee or whatever. These automatically repeated behaviors are accompanied by the obligation of answering every call, message, or comment and always being in the mood for seeing the other person.

Of course, if somebody told them this, they would deny it, calling it exaggerating. But, if one of them wouldn't answer three or four calls during a week, or would say "no" to two successive invitations for a night out, they wouldn't be OK with that. They would either think that their friend has a problem to face, or they would take it personally, searching for something that they themselves might have done wrong. These, indeed, are possible explanations, but not the only ones.

So, my friend, how many people do we know, who will be comfortable after hearing "You know, it has nothing to do with you, it's just the mood I have in this phase. I like spending time alone."? How many people give themselves the right to say something like this and also give a friend the same freedom of saying it to them when necessary?

How many friendships are freely existing connections?

I remember the circles that our friendship has done; all that harmonious periodicity, the alternation from systematic contact to periods of silence, the inter-communication that hasn't got talking as a prerequisite, and the parallel certainty that "if I really need her, she'll be here".

I never feel I obligingly have to explain to you anything, so I'm happy to share what I want when I want to. I know you feel the same way. And when we do share, something illuminating and useful always comes up, because we touch the core of every theme we want to talk about, instead of wasting our energy talking every day about how we spent the prior 24 hours.

To me, we are two independent wayfarers, who can stand on their own, who work internally during their travel, and meet each other in stations, exchanging conclusions, when those travels' momentarily contact has something useful to produce.

Along with all these, we have been supportive of each other in difficult situations. We admire each other, without constantly saying it with unnecessary flattery. We are straightforward and honest when something bothers us and we discuss it when we feel the time is suitable, knowing that there is always a good intention underneath.

There are not egocentric tendencies in our relationship. We respect and love each other without possessiveness.

We are not lucky for having all these. What we have, was not created by chance. We were the ones who shaped it. And I'm grateful for it.

So, today, the words friend and wayfarer are being united for me, giving birth to "Frayfarer".

And we even go beyond that; we are "Freely connected frayfarers".

Thank you.

***

Anthi Psomiadou — CC BY-NC-ND 4.0 International : Credit must be given to the creator/ Only noncommercial uses of the work are permitted/ No derivatives

friendship
Anthi Psomiadou
Anthi Psomiadou
Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
Anthi Psomiadou

Writing, Life coaching, Criminology, and more. But I simply do these, I am not these. I just am.

See all posts by Anthi Psomiadou

Find us on socal media

Miscellaneous links