Forget the pain you give

It may not take long to fall in love with someone. Just one glance may be able to determine whether she is the lover of her life.

I'm a lucky person. I once thought I wouldn't really love someone, but when I saw her, I knew I loved her. But at that time, I still liked the emotional game, because I wouldn't pay, so I wouldn't be hurt, because I've always followed the rules of the game, and I've always been the winner of the game. So I've been avoiding my feelings.

But what should happen always happens. A year later, she and I unknowingly came together. Started a happy and warm life. Every day I have classes with her, eat together and go shopping together. The campus is full of me and her bit by bit, and we have our shadow everywhere. At that time, my body was not very good and I always had a stomachache, so my spirit was not very good. I always quarreled with her, but she was so considerate. She not only cared about me, but also helped me wash clothes and buy me something I like to eat. Her love for me was deeply imprinted in my heart because of this little concern. I told myself to repay with my most true feelings. Life seems to be full of sunshine in the days to come.

There will also be a storm in the sunny weather. Besides, there has always been an inextricable knot in my heart, because I know that one day we will be separated. That day finally came. On the day of graduation, I packed my bags for her silently and said something that can't be touched. Back to their respective homes, I broke up with her. I thought she would understand my choice, but I was wrong. She cried on the phone, breaking my heart in an instant. No matter how hard I try, I will not give up.

After graduation, I chose to upgrade from college to college again, and she chose to work. I started my studies again, but without her company, my study and life became so boring that I chose to work outside. We still use the phone to contact our feelings. One day she chose to accompany me. At the beginning, I was so happy, but the pressure from all aspects made me hurt her again and set her on the way home again. I once again tasted what loneliness is when I sent her away. I reflect on my mistakes, try to correct them, and try to learn how to love her. I finally learned what is treasure, but I also lost some things I didn't notice at that time.

The phone calls between us gradually decreased, and her tone seemed to lack due enthusiasm. I knew there was a rift between myself and her. I tried to remedy it, but it didn't seem to have any effect. The road always comes to an end. Her call finally came. She asked me to go online and said she had something to say to me. We talked online for a long time, because we had loved each other and paid each other. At that moment, we made an appointment two years later, if we had a chance to continue. But I know I really lost her at that moment.

At the moment of losing her, it seems that my heart is also lost at that moment. It's so empty. I don't know how I go back. I sat there all night. I'll never forget that night. I feel how my heart was hollowed out. I don't cry because tears no longer exist. Since there is no heart, how can there be no tears.

The next day I lay quietly without feeling anything I wanted to do. Until the evening, my friends came to see me like this and asked me what happened. I didn't speak, just told them I wanted to drink. Really, at that moment, I just wanted to anesthetize myself so that I could forget the heavy sadness. I tried to pour cups of wine into my body. At that moment, I forgot myself, her and everything around me.

I always wake up when I'm drunk. When I wake up, I have the biggest disease since I was born. After I get well, I'm restoring my previous life. Every day I always use heavy study and work to make myself not think and miss. In the evening, I always indulge in alcohol. I'm afraid that when I have time, I will be overwhelmed by great thoughts.

There are always scars in life because of the passage of time. Although the wound is cured, the scar still exists. Never once touched the tenderness at the bottom of my heart. I thought I was all right. But the fact has once again defeated me. One day I met her on the Internet. I knew I had hurt her. Although I had tried to make up for it, seeing her at that time still filled my heart with thousands of tenderness. I said a gentle hello and began my usual chat. I thought she no longer hated me because I hurt her. I was wrong again. It turned out that she still hated me so much. Her sarcasm made me lost again. She told me she had a new boyfriend who looked like me. She said that if she owed me anything, let him ask her for it.

At that moment, great pain enveloped me again. The confidence I built up was destroyed by her again. I indulged myself more. I quit my job, stopped going to class and stayed in my residence every day to be anesthetized with alcohol.

Emotionally, I may be a loser. At that time, I was successful in friendship. There has always been a friend around me who silently enlightened me and let me get out of trouble step by step. When I found myself again, I saw her again. No matter in the past or now, I always thought I was wrong. She left me just because I wasn't good enough. After that, I tried my best to correct it. I hope we will have a new start in two years, and let me cherish and love her. Maybe because of such a dream, I can pursue it.

Two years have passed. Now I can still see her on the Internet occasionally. My heart has been calm. I have finally learned what is treasure and what is love. But I also know what I lost. Learning to cherish and love requires you to give up your confidence to love again. Most of the time I think I've lost more than I've got. Sometimes it's just the opposite.

Although it's been so long. The pain was still there. If I say whether I regret it or not, I will say no, because I really loved.

Just as the ancients said, "it is difficult to make water after passing through the sea, except that Wushan is not a cloud."