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For the Birds

societal blue

By Melissa EavesPublished 3 years ago 5 min read
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For the Birds
Photo by Joshua J. Cotten on Unsplash

I talk to birds. I do. I understand them. They feel me. We have zero communication issues. So, imagine if you will the awkwardness that might pose in several typical social settings.

I'm getting ready to get this dead on job, so I walk into a interview, per say. I am dressed to the nines, I feel confident and for once in my life I know I am legitimate. The interview goes well, (I think), I'm leaving and a bird chirps at me. "Oh hi baby, chirp, chirp, chirp", says me. He chirps back at me, i give him a few more chirps. And realize the smokers are outside watching with peculiar and unreadable expressions on their faces. Ooops

By Mark Olsen on Unsplash

I do a lot of strange things actually. Someone told me once, that I put to much importance on animals. I don't think I do. I am a meat eater, but I am so soft, I have had to struggle a little to come to terms with this self acceptance.But its who I am and it works. So, imagine if you will, I am at a tree hugging, event. All the vegans are there with their pets, and I am there, chirping at the birds, kiss kissing on the dogs,you know, communing with them, meowing at the cats and eating a hamburger...yikes, right? Yeah.

As it turns out, after I pick up the megaphone, guide pacifists away from self harm,incarceration, intolerance and violence, I will still be the one sitting on the bench, alone, with a flock of birds. "Well, guys? How do you think that went? Do you think they love me? "

By David Solce on Unsplash

What I know now, is that whether they love me or not I still have to be who I am. I will talk to the birds if I want too. When I walk down the street I will stop and smell the rose gardens. I will not allow the constraints of a society that does not care about me, to mandate what happens to me. I will love your dog, coo at a baby, and pedal my bike as fast as I want to. I will work out like a big girl and walk like a model if I choose to. I will go into a restuaraunt alone, and eat until my stomach bulges without judgement condemning me into a certain categorical size frame. I will hug dogs, kiss babies, and turn heads, all of my life. Its just something I have had to get used to.

When I was a teenager, I loved dark clothing, what is now referred to as gothic. I wore collars, and boy shorts, eyeball rings and dyed my hair black. I had a shirt that said, [Don't talk to me I am mentally unstable( just remember the quiet ones are the dangerous ones)] . This was an appropriate way for me to dress at that point in my life. I was defying a society that had rejected me. I was defying convention, as convention had failed me.

There are moments in my life, where I haven't realized that a moment was socially awkward until later. For example, I walk into a room. I have studied the situations, and dressed appropriately. At no little expense, to me, I might add. But no matter, what I wear, or how many times I have seen other people wear it, (sometimes it doesn't happen until I leave or later), it always happens. But it's "oh my god, becky, look at her butt."And even, if the meeting goes well, I always imagine that I hear later, oh my god, did you see her chest? Why would she wear something like that? The whole sentiment seeming that I am inappropriately dressed for the challenges, of my life. Umm, excuse me. That wasn't what you were thinking when I told you I am here to apply for manager. Or, oh my god, I can't believe she wore that. Umm, its been the fashion for four years. I hear this;even if the scenario, while I am there is favorable, professional and not awkward. Later, it becomes, me walking out onto a busy interstate wearing nothing but a set of fishnets with a pair of fruit of the looms on my head, screaming for freedom and justice, for the interview.

By Joshua Rawson-Harris on Unsplash

I have a hard time caring about social norms because of this. I'm not actually a big advocate of defying conventional society. But I do, these days it seems just by being me. I'm not going to go out of my way (mostly) to be or dress unconventionially, but after actually riding around out here in the normal world, and dressing by normal standards and still being labeled unacceptable, I have really learned to trust myself to be who I need to be in any given circumstance. In great lengths and superhuman strides, by dirtbag and dirtbag ways, I have been ridiculed and demolished, repeatedly. No matter what appearance, I may pull off, I will always be judged by people with lesser character than me. Hate will always find away to put intolerance in a neat little package and bow and send it floating down the river to garner acceptance. Have you ever looked back at a situation and felt like, "man, I carried that, I pulled that off, what do you mean, fill in the blank? Yeah, it shouldn't matter. But it does.

So, what I am trying to say is, where I have found acceptance, I am grateful because it means a lot to me. There are always going to be haters, no matter what you do. So my advice is, be the best you. If you find acceptance, it will then be real. Reality adds permanence and permanence is important.

friendship
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About the Creator

Melissa Eaves

I am an freelance writer. I love the written word and the poetry of my soul is expressed by mastery of it.

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