First Date?

What do I like? What do I like? I repeated this to myself as I drummed my fingers against my laptop keyboard. When you break it down that is a HARD question to answer. I stared for a while at that dumb website Siobhan signed me up for: EZMatch.com, no relation to match. It’s a knock off. I slammed the lid closed on the laptop. As I was about to move from my crossed legged position on the floor, Siobhan's voice rang out from bathroom. “I hope you are finishing up that profile!”

My eyes got wide. How did she know??? I swear she has a sixth sense or something. I rolled my eyes, and got up from the carpet. I made a beeline for the fridge. If I’m going to finish this thing, I need a drink. I took out the Wandering Giants Merlot from Bright Cellars, and got out the cork screw and glass. I filled it up and brought the bottle with me. I plopped down on the floor with bottle and the glass. It sloshed around a bit and some fell on the carpet. I cursed under my breath, but still took a gulp of Merlot.

Siobhan’s wet feet slapped against the floor as she walked quickly into the living room still wet from her shower.

“You do know your hair is dripping water all over the floor, as you stare disapprovingly at me, right?”

“That is besides the point Bea. Did you add a picture and finish the questionnaire?”

I took another gulp of wine and shook my head. She raised an eyebrow and adjusted her towel. I poured more Merlot. She reached down and took the bottle from me causing an audible ‘hey' to escape my lips.

“It’s been 2 years since your dumpster fire of a wedding happened. You still have gifts in the closet for Christsake. You have to go on at least one date, I am BEGGING you. You cannot let Asher still hover over you like some man-bunned goatee having ghost.”

“I still can’t believe he sent a text. I still have it, you know.” I reached for my smartphone and went to texts and read it aloud for the billionth time. “Bea Bea… I’m sorry, can’t do this. Going to Cabo with Tessa. Don’t be mad.”

“Don’t be mad?! Don’t be mad?! DON’T BE MAD?! All my family was there. I ordered a Vera Wang, Siobhan! An effing VERA WANG!” I chugged the rest of my wine so fast that it trickled out the sides of my mouth and onto to my ‘Make cakes, not wars’ shirt.

“Yes! He is a piece of crap. Finish that profile in spite of him, damn it! Get out there! See some dudes! Hell, see some ladies if you feel inclined to do so. You are cute, curvy, and got a PhD!” Siobhan took a swig from the bottle of Wandering Giants in solidarity. She grabbed my hand and pulled me towards my room. She sat me down on the floor and ran to her room really quick. She came back in shorts, tank, and slippers.

“OK. I am going to get your laptop. While you are fueled with wine and rage, we are going to finish the profile and you are going out on 1 date, TONIGHT! Even if it sucks, at least you will have done it.” She disappeared down the hall and came back with my computer.

I took a deep breath and got back on the site. I was very tipsy. So, I zoomed through the questionnaire. I uploaded the picture from that time that I went to Palm Beach with Siobhan and Zay. My curls were on point and I was feeling myself in my two-piece swim suit. I tapped save. That’s it. It out there. Siobhan motioned for me to give her my phone. She pressed some buttons and typed some stuff and tossed it back to me. She put the EZMatch.com app on my phone. My profile was live. I stared at it as it started to buzz with potential people. Siobhan grinned and turned towards my closet to find me something to wear. She knew what she was looking for. She shook her head to herself many times until she got to what she was looking for: my Halter Cutout Waist Tie Dye Print Backless Maxi Dress. I was saving it for some occasion, don’t know which one. I got it 2 years ago from some trendy plus size boutique. I got it as gift to myself. It made my boobs look amazing! And my back didn’t look half bad either.

“Gimme your phone, Bea. I want to see the matches. I am going to send each one a message about going on a date tonight. And the one that isn’t busy and enthusiastically wants to go will be your date.” I shrugged, gave her the phone and waited. I was still a bit buzzed from the Merlot. What do I have to lose? It’s one date tonight to get out the house and see what’s out there. I looked down at my hands. I needed to scrub this chipped polish off with some acetone and shape them a little. I looked up and Siobhan was staring at me with a smirk.

“So, good news is you will have a date for 7:30 tonight. Bad news: there are 5 potentials. So there’s Tad, Oliver, Jacob, Phil, and Diego. I think we should eliminate Tad right off the bat because one: he has a man bun and I feel that is triggering, and two: he looks like he is wearing frames without the lenses to look smart. Oliver doesn’t drive so you would have to pick him up, Jacob seems good, Phil is wearing a Pharell hat in all of his photos, all different colors mind you, and Diego…has potential as well. So, there’s Jacob and Diego, Bea. Would you like to eeny, meeny, miny, moe it? Or are you still swimming in the bottle of Merlot from earlier, and want me to choose?”

My head was swimming, I don’t remember eating anything substantial today. I ushered my hand towards her to go ahead. I grabbed a nail file off the floor beside me. I don’t know why its down here. I shaped my nails. Only like 2 nails were chipped really, so I think I could get away with just repainting them with the quick dry polish.

“Bea, I chose a guy. So, its like 6:15pm now. You have time to shower, do your hair and get to the restaurant on time. I’ll drop you since I’m home. No sense in you taking an Uber or Lyft, that would be a waste of money. And you are certainly NOT driving after a whole bottle of Merlot almost. You want to know who it is, or do you want to be surprised?”

“Ummmm…I will…be surprised. If its going super bad, I’ll 911 text you and you can come get me.”

Siobhan gave me a thumbs up. I grabbed my towel and went to go shower. I grabbed my shower cap and plopped it on my head. I shed all clothes and got in the shower. I let the warm, steamy water wash over me and loosen me from my tipsy daze. I stepped out and wrapped up in my towel. When I got to my room, the tied, backless dress was on the bed. I went to my dresser and grabbed some undies. I didn’t need a real bra tonight. The way it ties in the back helps the girls stay up a little bit, and to limit the jiggle, I’ll put on those stick-on bra things that give awesome lift. After donning my dress, I took off my headwrap and shook out my twists. I undid them, greased my scalp a bit and fluffed it up for volume. I brushed my teeth, gargled with some mouth wash, and put on my shiniest lip gloss. I swiped at my phone. Its 7:05pm. I’m making great time! Siobhan was waiting for me at the door with her keys. I grabbed my platform sandals on the way out.

“So, the spot is 3 Winds Thai Restaurant. I know we have been dying to go there, so tell me how the food is, and if the date doesn’t suck, we can do a girls’ night there or happy hour or something. Luckily, It’s not that far and you guys don’t need an RSVP to get in. I’m finished all my work today, so I have got time to sit and wait for you if need be. I’m going to stream some stuff, maybe catch up on a show I missed 2 weeks in a row…” She trailed off. I was looking down at my phone. The app buzzed, and it had a message from a match. “I’m already here. Can’t wait to see you.”

I gulped some air. “ He is there already, Siobhan, whoever, you picked.” I took some breaths. This is okay. It’s been 2 years since my wed-maggedon disaster ad Asher. I got this. We pulled up with 2 minutes to spare. Siobhan gave me a reassuring shoulder rub and looked me in the eye.

“I have a taser in my glove box, and a swiss army knife. If you want to take one or both of them on this date, I have no problem with that. Also make sure, you drink all your drink before you get up to go pee. We need no funny business this evening.” I nodded vigorously and hugged her goodbye. I took out my phone and turned on the camera to give my face and hair a once over before going in. I put it on vibrate and walked into the Thai restaurant. I took in all the smells. Man, I am starving! I hope I don’t have to leave this guy before the appetizers. I am ready to eat. The waiting area was not full. It looked like it was just cleared. There was one guy sitting down watching something on his phone and chuckling to himself. He looked up at me while I was looking. He enthusiastically waved me over.

He stood up. He was TALL and dressed very nice but slightly casual which worked. “You look just like your photos on the site. Happy to meet you, Beatrice. I’m Jacob.” He extended his hand for a shake and I obliged. He had locs and they looked freshly done, and his glasses matched his outfit well.

“I like your hair Jacob. You look like you had been growing them for a while.”

“Yep, I think it’s been at least 7 years? I started with really short hair and had to trust the process.”

The host walked us to our table, and we were seated in a booth, and given our menus. My stomach made a noise. I hope he didn’t hear it.

“All of this looks good. I have never been here. Just moved to the area.”

“Wow, that’s cool. I haven’t been here either, so it’s a first for both of us. It opened not too long ago.” He smiled at my comments. So far, the vibe is good. I smiled back.

“So, tell me about yourself, Beatrice. What do you like to? What do you like in a person? Give me the rundown of Beatrice.”

“The rundown of me, huh? What do I like? What do I like?” I repeated this to myself as I drummed my fingers against the restaurant table, “When you break it down that is a HARD question to answer…”