First-Date Conversation Tips

When going on a date, you shouldn't feel like you're being quizzed with questions. It should be about chatting with someone and seeing what they have to offer, and if you're enjoying the conversation.

There's no reason to divulge all of your information right away. You don't have to agree with everything they may say or continue to date someone who shows interest in you. Someone should be willing to converse with you about what you want to discuss and what they are okay with.

By using these tips, you will be able to express yourself on your first date.

Begin with light conversation.

There may be times when you are unsure what to talk about when first going on a date. Here are some light questions that may help get you started.

Ask them about something they like or have decided to share with you.

"What are some things you like to do when you're not busy?"

"Do you read or watch anything that you enjoy?"

"What have you been enjoying learning about lately?"

"What do you enjoy about our location?"

These are just some questions that you can ask on your first date. You don't have to keep throwing questions at them. Open up about yourself as well.

"I have been cooking a lot lately. I'm not great at it, but it's enjoyable to me. What are some things you enjoy doing when you want to unwind?"

They may open up about something similar to you, or they may ask you a question about what you enjoy. Go from there. If they don't, then you can move on to another topic.

Listen to what they have to say.

Another tip when dating someone is to listen. If they mention something that they like, you can follow up on it.

If they tell you they enjoy hiking, you could ask them why. "Do you like it because of the view, or the physical aspect?"

You can also relate it to something you do.

"I enjoy walking but usually take my routes around parks. Do you have any favorites around you?"

Don't rush to give an answer when they are speaking to you. Give yourself a few seconds to digest what they told you. You can always ask them to elaborate if you didn't understand something.

Listen to them but pay attention to if they are showing interest in you. Are they asking you questions or listening to your answers? Maybe they didn't answer that one question right away, but look at the overall date. Don't write them off because of one response.

For more ideas about sharing your thoughts, read How to Improve Communication in a Relationship.

Speak your mind on what you like.

Let them know what you like to do or want to do on your first date. It can be a simple statement.

"I would like to meet somewhere that we can talk."

"I like to meet for coffee instead of dinner on first dates."

"I like to spend more time getting to know someone."

"I'm not really into staying out late."

"I like to learn more about each other's lives before we start talking about intimate subjects."

You can give them a brief description of why you want to do something.

"I would rather meet somewhere public when going on our first date."

It allows them to know what you are comfortable with and if they are willing to go along with your request.

Know your boundaries.

Tell your date what you are comfortable with and what you are willing to do. This isn't something you are testing your date on or threatening them. It's simply letting them know what you will do to take care of yourself.

"I don't feel comfortable talking about that right now."

"I would like to only stay for an hour."

"I would like to find my own way home."

"I don't want to relocate at this time."

"I would like to leave now."

You can always remind them of what you said. There is no need to explain why you want to do something.

"I understand that you wanted to relocate, but I would rather stay here. If that's not okay with you, then I will end our date."

By setting a boundary, you are also letting them know what you will do if they cross that boundary. They may not be happy that you want to leave or hang up the phone, but you shouldn't have to bend your boundaries to keep someone from being upset.

If you feel that you can't say what you want to say in that moment, tell them that you need time to process.

"I need to think about that."

You can step away from that situation. Talk to someone you trust or leave if necessary.

For more boundary-setting ideas, see How to Set Boundaries in a Relationship.

Be respectful of one another.

When you are on a date, it should feel mutual between the two of you. You don't have to agree on everything and act perfect. Just make sure you're both on the same page with one another.

Both parties can speak their minds.

Each person is able to ask questions about each other.

If they say no or not yet, that is okay.

There is room to discuss different opinions.

Both parties agree on plans.

You are able to leave the date whenever you want.

They are listening to you and not trying to bring the conversation back to themselves.

If you let your date know your boundaries, they should respect that and respond with something like:

"Okay, I understand. We can stay here."

"That's fine, what do you want to do instead?"

If you are starting to feel comfortable around your date, that is also a sign that they are respectful. You are able to express yourself how you want to. If they cross a boundary that you set, they can take that with grace and understand.

What if you aren't comfortable?

You may not feel comfortable on your first date. Maybe it's because you are nervous or you're not used to being around someone new. They may be crossing your boundaries or you just don't feel a connection with that person.

There are many reasons why you may not feel comfortable. Take a moment to think about how you are feeling.

Do I want to continue talking to this person?

Can I speak my mind when on this date?

Are they paying attention to me?

Will I feel more comfortable leaving or reaching out to someone?

If you want to steer the conversation, you can tell your date:

"I would like to change the subject. What do you like to do for fun?"

If you want to leave the date, let them know.

"I'm going to head out now. It was nice meeting you."

You can also let them know that you aren't comfortable and will be leaving.

You don't have to feel guilty for leaving early. If your date takes it the wrong way, make sure you can get to a safe location. You can alert employees or reach out to someone you trust.

When you go on your next date, maybe you can choose to meet at a public location. Let someone know where you will be and plan on getting home by yourself.

Do you want to see them again?

Once your date is over, you can take some time to think about if you want to see them again.

How did you feel while you were on your date?

Did you feel as though you were able to express your needs?

Were you able to converse with that person?

Did you enjoy any of your time together?

Do you want to see them again?

Would you be happy to go on a second date or do you feel like you're doing them a favor?

You don't have to be similar to the person you are dating. As long as you can both communicate and express your feelings, it's a good start.

Maybe you decide that you don't want to see them again. That's perfectly fine if you didn't click with that person. You don't have to find something that they did wrong.

"I enjoyed speaking with you. Would you like to grab coffee next week?"

If you decide that you don't want to continue, you can simply send a message to your date.

"It was nice meeting you, but I don't think I will continue to date you. Hope you find a partner that fits you."

You don't have to argue with your date if you don't want to see them again.

Your first date should allow you to express yourself and learn about your date. Don't feel as though you have to fit a certain role or know what you're doing.